Let The Kids Play

Sports do not build character. They reveal it. -John Wooden

Howard Cosell once said, “Sports is human life in microcosm”. I do believe that growing up being part of a team is crucial to a balanced childhood. Learning social mores, forging bonds with teammates, quick decision making skills, teamwork, being coachable and drawing out leadership qualities from kids who didn’t even know they had it in them are all revealed through play.

And from the dawn of sports came the dawn of the sports parents. Many are great and supportive parents who foster a love of athleticism and competition in a healthy and nurturing way. But I’ll bet Great Santini sports parents have also been around since the Native Americans were playing lacrosse across territory lines for maze. In some old illustrations I am sure there is a grimacing, tight-lipped Native American Dad yelling from the sidelines that his kid better win or he was sleeping outside the teepee that night.

In our family we have always encouraged our children to try all kinds of sports. My oldest grew up in a time shortly before sports changed for kids in the United States and she skated through her childhood playing different sports in different seasons. Golf and tennis and swimming in the summer, soccer in the fall, basketball and ice-skating in the winter, lacrosse in the spring and dance class during the whole school year. She tried it all; eventually realizing, as she grew older that what she really loved was golf. Great, hang up the cleats and the capezios and go hit the range when you aren’t at work because that is what you love, and even better you can play for the rest of your life. Back in the day my grandfather played two professional sports, had a full time day job and six kids. Focusing on one thing and one thing only just isn’t in our blood.

By the time my son was playing team sports things were beginning to take a turn for kids but we were still able to encourage him to play all different sports and have fun doing it. He played football, ice hockey, little league baseball, golf and of course our family favorite lacrosse.

Then by the time our third and fourth daughters were coming down the pike things started to really change for young athletes in America. Because of where we lived geographically the sport of choice became lacrosse for the masses. So that is what I know, however I am sure it is the same for hockey parent’s in Minnesota, baseball families in Florida and football parents in Texas. Extreme sports enthusiasm is not exclusive to the northeast or to any one sport. Special teams and special clinics for specific positions started to crop up and instead of learning to love a whole game kids started to strive to be the best at their position.

All of the sudden there was fall ball, winter indoor teams, travel teams, a teams, b teams, elite teams, elite camps, private coaching. Herb Brooks who coached the 1980 USA “Miracle” Olympic hockey team said, “ I think we have to many AAA, showcase and elite camps for kids today, and as a result we are creating a bunch of robots. We need to make it fun for the kids and let them learn to love the game again the way we did.”

Someone figured out that they could make a lot of money by telling parents this is what your kid needs to be the best. Then zombie parents everywhere with their arms stretched out walked trance like with checkbooks in hand murmuring, “Yesssss….Johnny will be the bessssstttt!” And suddenly it wasn’t about letting the kids play sports that they loved it was about being the best one.

As Steve Garvey once said, the difference between a young ball player and an old ball player is that the young player plays for the name on the back of the jersey and the old player plays for the name on the front of the jersey. Kids everywhere, with their parent’s encouragement, started playing for the name on the back of the jersey instead of the name on the front.

And now parents are stuck because even if you realize it’s a scam, (And I know there are great teams that are not a scam but if your kid is playing on a C through Z team, trust me, they just wanted your money.), you have to do what all of Johnny’s classmates are doing because if you don’t he will be the only one not doing it and the other kids will make fun of him and then he feels bad about himself. Cue the sniper in the bell tower in 12 years all because you wouldn’t spend your summer weekends on a field in the middle of nowhere? It. Is. All. Your. Fault.

Or maybe…..maybe your kid could be, (gasp!) different! A leader instead of one of many! If you have a gifted lacrosse player and the kid is going to go the distance, (and after college, The Long Island Lizards I guess??), then obviously you must foster that. Please don’t get me wrong, I love lacrosse, I played, my family played, we are from “Strong Island”, I get it. Sports has enabled a lot of people to further their educations and most people who encourage their kids to play at a collegiate level I am sure understand it as a means to an end.

Encourage, support and inspire I always say. There is so much potential to be reached out there and everyone has all kinds of untapped greatness in them. What if your son is really an artist or wants to explore curling, Is that allowed? What if your daughter loves ice hockey or chess? Being a part of a team is important but being true to yourself is imperative to cultivating your authentic self.  Try new things and have different experiences to figure out what you love, who you are and what you are made of. Who are our children to become if they are meant to keep their heads down and do what everyone else does. (But try to be better at it than your best friends because that is a direct reflection on how good a parent I am, ok Johnny? Thanks, good talk.)

Crazy comes in all shapes and sizes just look at Dance Mom’s and Toddler’s in Tiara’s. (After watching “Honey Boo Boo”, scientist and spiritualist, Gregg Braden was quoted as saying, “After watching that I believe we are six months away from laughing at homeless people on television.”)

I think an equally entertaining show would be “Dangerous Lax Dad’s” “Psycho Soccer Parent’s” or get more cowbell with “Horrible Hockey Mom’s”. I would catch those on Bravo when I was folding laundry. (Hey anyone know Andy Cohen’s number? I think I am onto something...)

Go ahead and be proud and shout encouragement from those sidelines loudly (But skip the part when one of your kid’s teammates makes a mistake and you mutter under your breath to the Dad standing next to you, “How much does that kid suck?”) And then let Johnny go play outside with his friends and leave him alone to grow up with out being under your thumb 24/7. Being obsessed with your kids sports teams does not mean you are being a good parent. It could however potentially mean you are overbearing and controlling. That makes kids feel like they can’t do things with out you. That is not the goal. Have every faith in him or her that they can get through life making his or her own decisions about who to play with and what to play. Empower them with your confidence.

 If you have every faith in them they in turn will have every faith in themselves and for the rest of their lives in any given situation they will find themselves in they will handle it with dignity and grace. That is a gift only you, as their most trusted person in the world can give.

Now after empowering Johnny with the self worth and confidence he will carry with him throughout life he will be able to empower those around him. A true sign of a great leader, is a self assured confident person who will be happy to see their friends and neighbors succeeding in life because they will know that someone else’s success doesn’t take anything away from their own achievements. As well as knowing not to play small to allow someone else to feel big. We are not all the same. Help your kid figure out what he or she has a natural ability for and don’t try to force a square peg in a round hole because that is what everyone else is doing. Don’t teach them to be sheep, teach them to be the Sheppard.

As a matter of fact energetically speaking I have seen reports from the Institute of Heart Math that just being around happy, well-balanced, self-confident and successful people rubs off on you and it becomes an epidemic of positivity. Give your child the gift of empowering them to play for the team on the front of the jersey not the back. Let his teammates have his or her back instead.