Aunt Mary's Letter

A few weeks ago heavy rainstorms flooded the basement of my aunt Mary and uncle Kevin’s business in Westhampton Beach New York,(Fitzgerald’s Gallery), Mary sent out an email blast requesting prayers from everyone she knew that there would be no damage to the art work and no future problems with flooding. (a few years back they had extensive flood damage and it was a nightmare for them) This was the follow up email I received yesterday from her. (Jean is my other aunt, Jeff is my father and Peggy is his friend).

Thank you everyone because we got about 4 inches of rain Sunday through Tuesday and the basement is dry.  I know it worked ! 

        It's going to be beautiful weather right through this weekend. 

      On Friday there was a beautiful rainbow.  I saw it driving home from work.  It was right out of an Irish tale.  I wanted to pull over and take a picture of it but I had a real asshole right on my bumper and I missed my opportunity.  The next day, Jean wrote me and asked if I got the rainbow she sent me!  I was skeptical at first.  Jeff and Peggy were down at the beach and they saw it too.  I figured that Jeff told Jean about it.  She said no.  Pretty amazing.  Yes, you are right.  It does run in the family.  Faith.  One of my friends, Patti--asked her prayer group to include my dilemma in their prayers.  So thank you again for your good thoughts for us.  Love, Mary
     Everything at the gallery is back to normal and people came in for picture framing the whole time so we have lots of work to do and some really big jobs.  Just the way I love it.     

How lucky was I growing up in a family that calls each other to tell them about rainbows they have seen and/or wished for each other? Not to mention understanding the power of prayer, Irish luck and most of all FAITH, that all will be well. As well as a good Irish work ethic! I think everything you need to know in life is pretty much summed up in this email.

Have FAITH, love your FAMILY, trust in GOD, appreciate the wonders of NATURE, GIVE THANKS, and don’t let some asshole let you miss out on any opportunities life brings you!! Thanks Mary!

DON'T QUIT

Life is hard. Bad things happen to good people everyday.However, I do believe there is a plan. Sometimes it is so hard to see why some things unfold the way they do but the greatest hurdles we face in life become our greatest lessons if we let them. This prayer is on my bathroom mirror and I read it every single day. I am sure you have seen it before but it is one you can read over and over again and get inspiration from everyday.

When things go wrong as they sometimes will,
When the road you are trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest, if you must But Don't You Quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As everyone of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don't give up though the pace seems slow-
You may succeed with another blow.
Success is failure turned inside out-
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far;
So stick to the fight when you are hardest hit-
It's when things seem worst
That You Must Not Quit.

Change

“Just when I found out the meaning of life, they changed it”-George Carlin

Everything is always changing. We can’t control what happens and yet we never stop trying. When a baby is born it has spent the last nine months floating around, completely content with just being. Miraculously, the baby gets fingernails and eyelashes and forms its organs and from the beginning its little heart beats and blood flows.  All we can do is sit and wait and see what happens. We have very little control over the whole process. (Other than taking care of our physical selves)

If only we realized that this is what really happens our whole lives and all we have to do is accept that everything is constantly changing and all we need to do is BE.

 Our baby turns into a toddler and suddenly it is time to let them go a little bit.  “I do it myself” they start to say more and more.  And then your life changes again when you leave them in their nursery school classroom for the first time. As exciting as it is it’s a sad day too. They lose their first tooth and will never have that baby face again and it’s changing. We can’t control it. Friends become important and somewhere along the way your kids life stops becoming all about you and starts to become all about them. It is so hard for a parent to let that go.

Kids are like little Zen masters, always teaching us about ourselves. What we are made of and who we really are. Who else but your own child could make you scream and want to pull your own hair out while you simultaneously love them more than life? Who else can bring out in us our own deepest fears that we didn’t know we even had until we see them through our children.

Elementary school, middle school, high school, college. The job description of a parent is constantly changing as our children grow from infants to adults yet we never stop loving them with the intensity that we felt when they were helpless and we were the only people in the world who kept them safe, fed, loved and happy. (Although that summer before they leave for college they really do prepare you to look forward to a little less stress!)

 How do you go from being a manager to a consultant? Every parent knows someday the goal is to have your child be an independent free thinking responsible person who is going to leave you and go out on their own. That is what we all want for them.  We have to put our own will aside for the greater will and let them go.

As my children grow and become more independent, I stand by and watch with tears in my eyes and love in my heart and hope I did my job and they know that no matter how much life throws at them and how much things change, we will always be the stable foundation that they can build their own lives on.

The Hansel and Gretel Syndrome

Books have always been a big part of my life. Being an only child I had a love of reading my entire life and I passed on the love by reading to my own children from the time they were infants. It was an escape to a fantasy world for me long before there was 24/7 children's television. So if it wasn't Saturday morning where I could be found in my PJ's eating coco pebbles watching my beloved Scooby Doo, Land of the Lost or Bugs Bunny, I was reading. Reading opened doors of my imagination where anything was possible. (Do my dolls come to life when I'm not around? Do woodland animals have their own language? Do witches and scary people really exist as I know princess's and prince's do?)

As an adult the days you could actually find time to sneak in an hour or, when no one is looking, curling up on a rainy day with a blanket and a cup of tea and reading your book for hours? It is one of the treasures of life that when you get to do it you have to stop and notice that this is a little slice of heaven on earth.

When my oldest daughter Beth was five she would be in charge of picking out the bedtime story for her and her brother. For a long stretch of time that year the book of choice was Hansel and Gretel. (coincidentally it became the favorite after a trip to Disney when after years of blissful sleeping through the night the over stimulation of the happiest place on earth triggered nightmares of lost mothers, scary wicked queens and general anxiety. But its a great family place!)

Night after night she would walk up in her little Lanz of Salzburg nightgown. Her curly hair still damp from her bath. She would thrust the book at me look away wincing and ask me to "read it again mama." (for some reason my kids all called me mama and sounded like tiny Italians) Her brother Mark was indifferent as he was generally looking at it as a means to stay up a few minutes later.
So night after night I would read the story and watch her face go through all of the emotions of the story. The children and their father, the step mother who complains about them, her suggestion that they take a short cut through the woods and finally total fear as the brother and sister find themselves in front of a house made of candy. She would practically slap her hands over her eyes and moan because she knew what was coming. The witch would now begin to fatten up the duo, who she kept in a cage, for good eating. Then the relief when the children got away and found their father again who had since sent his bitch wife packing and they lived happily ever after.

Night after night she would ask me to read this book and I would say, "Beth, are you sure? It seems to scary for you". "No Mama, I want to hear this one". This went on for about a month and then a funny thing happened, about three weeks in Beth didn't show the emotions on her face anymore. She wasn't afraid she knew what was going to happen and it was all going to work out for Hansel and Gretel. She didn't need to be afraid for them anymore. Instinctively she did what women do, she talked about and listened to it over and over again until she could wrap her head around it, understand it and not be afraid anymore. Her brother was not fazed by the story after the first time he heard it. His little boy logical brain understood after the first read through that it was going to be fine and there was no reason to keep rehashing this. Like all women, Beth just needed to be with it a little longer to get it. The comfort she found in reading and rereading something that scared her until she understood it is a common theme women everywhere take part in.

Someone is getting divorced? Let's sit and talk about that, not because we want to gossip but we want to find out how did they lose their way on this narrow path we all are trying to navigate? Maybe if we keep talking about it we will figure it out. Breast cancer? Troubled kid? Sick parents? Talk it out with your friends. Maybe you won't find any answers but it will comfort you to know we are all trying to wrap our heads around the scary stuff and come out happily ever after on the other side. Just like Hansel and Gretel.

My good friend Jen Gilchrist just passed on another great read to me called 'The Middle Place' By Kelly Corrigan. It was one of those books where I let the laundry pile up and we had grilled cheese for dinner because I couldn't tear myself away. One of those funny, moving buy it and don't lend it out because you want to keep it books. All about being a mother, wife and daughter while battling breast cancer. I highly recommend it and thank Jen for sending it my way.

Women’s Strength

                                       If You're Strong Enough There Are No Precedents- F. Scott Fitzgerald

Its not a proven scientific fact but I am pretty sure women can do anything. It is only a matter of time until we realize the true power of our collective strength and start ruling the world outwardly instead of behind the scenes.

If there were women clergy, there would be no abuse in the church. No woman would stand for that to happen. There would be quick and sure punishments and the perpetrators would feel the wrath and it would never happen again. Who made the rule that we had to ignore half of the population of the world when picking our clergy anyway? I don’t think that was God’s idea.

If there were to be a women president in our country I truly believe our priorities would be straight and I know its complicated but what woman wouldn’t be able to fix something without going to war? Men physically fight when they can’t resolve their issues. Women sit and talk and leave no stone unturned until they are satisfied with the outcome.

Don’t get me wrong. I am not a man basher. The good ones are so inspiring to me. The ones who are strong enough to have a soft side. The ones who recognize strength in a partner they have in their lives and are not afraid to ask to lean on them and draw strength from them when they need to. These are the best ones of all. I love my son so much the sight of him brings tears to my eyes. I love men. I just think that without women, they would be lost.

The keepers of home and hearth, the cook, lawyer, doctor, psychiatrist, disciplinarian, comedian, magician, coach and all things warm and fuzzy. We do it all and it isn’t easy! But we wouldn’t have it any other way.

So with mother’s day fast approaching this is my wish for all women whether you have biologically given birth or not, the world needs your strength and I hope we all realize our full potential of how powerful we really are. It is so unlimited it’s exciting! We are beauty and light and smart and strong. We are already everything we need to be. Happy Mother’s Day to all.

The Turkey Sandwich Experience

                   

I have a daughter who is beautiful, kind, sweet, athletic, empathetic and loving. She is all of these things and she is also a “good girl”. She has not yet found her empowered voice that enables her not to be out spoken and loud but to simply just be heard in her authentic voice.

I have no doubt that she will find it soon. We raised her with the best of intentions.  Please and thank you, golden rule, fed, clothed, bathed, dentist, doctor, love and warmth. We did not warn her about what Rachel Simmons writes about in her book entitled, The Curse of the Good Girl,  ‘Our culture is teaching girls to embrace a version of selfhood that sharply curtails their power and potential. In particular, the pressure to be “GOOD”-unerringly nice, polite, modest and selfless-diminishes girl’s authenticity and personal authority.’

My daughter and I were in the grocery store the other night and she wanted to get a sandwich from the deli counter for dinner. I said that was fine, I would shop around and meet her somewhere in the store. I caught up with her a few aisles later, head down, feet dragging. “What’s wrong?” I asked. “Nothing”, she mumbled back. “Did you get your sandwich?” “Yeah. It’s not what I asked for but its fine. I’ll just eat it”. “No way!” I said. “Come on, let’s get what you wanted”. Cue the panic stricken look on her face like I am about to start singing Karaoke in the middle of her high school cafeteria. “MOM! No, its fine. I’ll just eat this one”. I gently took her by the arm and led her back to the deli counter and I said to the man behind the counter, “Excuse me, but there was a mistake with this sandwich and I was wondering if you could make another one?” The deli guy said, “Sure no problem”. And made her a new sandwich. She smiled, relieved that I didn’t cause a scene and said “Thanks mom!” Happy with the one she really wanted but was to ‘nice’ to tell the man he had made a mistake.

The point is by example we need to teach our daughters that even if Mom is embarrassing you it is an empowering lesson that when she grows up she wont be afraid to speak from her authentic voice and get what she wants in this world.  A study was done asking a group of mothers what they wanted to teach their children about life; there answers were what you would expect. How to love and be loved, to have peace in their hearts, to raise a happy family and find happiness in whatever they do for a career. But when they were asked to describe the perfect mother they said things like, always have a clean and decorated house, dinner on the table, wash always done. Nothing that would convey to their children what they wanted to teach them about most in life.

Let’s all make a pact that if you come to my house and there is a pile of laundry on my dining room table instead of a hot meal you wont judge me to harshly and I promise to do the same for you. Let’s support our fellow mother’s! We have a hard enough job with out the pressure of being the perfect GOOD GIRL as well.

So go ahead and be embarrassing, your daughter will thank you someday!!

FRIENDS FOR LIFE

My good friend Lori Downey's sister in law Justine Ciampa is battling cancer along with thousands of women in our country and the fight rages on for these warrior women as we speak. On May first her family and friends are supporting Justine and women with cancer everywhere by participating in the EIF Revlon Run/Walk for the cure in NYC. Her team is called FRIENDS FOR LIFE, (LOVE that!!) and you can make a donation to their team or just to the event in general by going to the link below. Justine is a wife, mother, sister, daughter, friend. Talk about brave! She has the support of great women standing hand in hand along with them are teams of support led by husband's, dad's, brother's and son's. We are all in this together. Pray for their family and your own and that prayer collectively will be heard. With one voice and many minds we can achieve miracles if we try!








https://www.revlonrunwalk.com/ny/secure/TeamWebPage.cfm?pID=50530&eid=1000599

Another Battle Won...

                                                                 

Again being brave rears its ugly head! (What a scaredy pants I apparently am! I never knew it until this blog and its recurring themes) After telling a friend of mine that I was going to the Titleist Performance Institute to become level 1 certified in their Golf Fitness training program, she immediately scared the crap out of me by saying, “So you will probably be the only yoga girl there. Its definitely going to be mostly professional golf dudes.” My fear factor flew to epic proportions and I immediately realized I had no business signing up for this class let alone flying to another state to attend it. Since of course everyone will see in minutes how foolish I will seem. (good old ego)

I went anyway. A few days early since I was visiting my friend Christy for a  belated birthday celebration and I was going to spend the weekend with her, our friend Mary Liz and Christy’s family in her home in North Carolina. I flew up on a Friday and set about the business of having a good old-fashioned girl weekend and didn’t think about my pending doom that was coming on Monday morning.

We ate, shopped, drank wine, laughed, cried and had an endless stream of excellent girl talk. I truly think talking things out with my friends to the point of dead horse is definitely in my top 5 favorite things to do on earth. Where would we be without the women friends we hold so dear in life?

Sunday night rolled around and the butterflies started settling in. I would find my heart suddenly beating quickly and would have to remind myself to slow down and breathe! Pretty much all day long. I went to visit my stepmother and her family for dinner. It was a perfect reconnection and just what I needed They say people come into your life at different times for different reasons. She and my Dad have not been married for 20 years but being with her reminds me of the fact that although I had a very non- traditional child hood, there is no doubt I sure was loved and continue to be.  She lives about 30 minutes from Christy in a beautiful farmhouse in a rural part of NC. Cows, goats, trucks and confederate flags dotted along the country highway.  It was a different world but her house was warm and welcoming and the company even more so. After a relaxing evening I hit the road back to Christy’s to prepare for the first day of my training.

Relaxing evening be gone, I went to bed with the wide eyed fear of a woman facing the firing squad. I eventually fell asleep late and woke before my alarm. Christy drove me with her girls the half hour to the down town hotel the training was being held in. I said my goodbyes, got out of the car and pushed all of my fear and anxiety to the back of my mind, threw my shoulders back, put a confident smile on my face and with all of the acting skills I could muster walked on in with my head high. 4 men greeted me at a table with nametags. (Oh god! She was right! Its ALL PROFESSIONAL GOLF DUDES!) They were friendly and asked me my name and profession. (Uh??? Fraud?) Yoga Instructor, I heard my voice reply with confidence. (Who was that?)

I walked in and went to the first seat I found. Between two nice women who were there for the same exact reasons I was. To gain more knowledge. I realized quickly that so was everyone else in the room regardless of their age, race or gender. Everyone was there for the same purpose. To learn level 1 of a golf fitness program. There wasn’t a sole there that already knew everything there was to know about, golf, golf fitness or the business of it. We were all there for the same reason. I felt my fear slowly leaving me. I quickly realized that I DID know a lot about anatomy, golf faults, terms and the body. I could contribute and I could ask questions that didn’t sound like I didn’t know what I was talking about. I actually do know what I am talking about. As a matter f fact, I am knowledgeable about what I do. And when they had their business analyst stand up and tell us not to be afraid to charge for our knowledge. We are the experts and we have to know our worth and charge accordingly for our time and expertise because it is worth a lot. It was so empowering.

I have to laugh as I sit in a Crab Shack at the airport typing this waiting for my flight to board. WHAT WAS I SO AFRAID OF?  It was just one more lesson that is slowly but surely sinking into my brain. I am more powerful than beyond measure. I am fearless and brave. If I keep practicing then maybe I will re-teach myself to think these thoughts first and automatically. Wouldn’t it be awesome if the first thing that really and truly came into our authentic minds were, WOW! I am so kickass!! That is my goal. To those of you who already know this, god bless you. To those of you who don’t, god bless you more. 

A Morning Prayer...

 Before you turn on any phone, televisions or radios…

May today there be peace within. May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be. 
 May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith. 
 May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you.. 
 May you be content knowing you are a child of God. Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, 
 Dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us. 
 

Take a few deep breaths through your nose. Sit up in bed or in a comfy chair, close your eyes and say this prayer to yourself. This is one of my favorite morning prayers. I received it in an email so I am sure many of you have read it before but it is a good one! Have a beautiful day!

Inspiration meditation for athletes

This mediataion is for your teenage athlete.

“Who would attempt to fly with the tiny wings of a sparrow when the mighty power of the eagle has been given to him?”

Begin by lying down. Close your eyes, arms by your side palms up. Lips slightly parted, concentrate on your breath. Inhaling and exhaling through your nose. Listen to the sound of the breath as it comes in and out and you feel your belly rising with each inhalation and gently fall with each exhalation.

Think about your face and relax your face. Relax your eyes, your jaw. Think about your head resting on your mat and feel it sink into the mat with complete relaxation. Think about your shoulders and relax your shoulders, feel them sinking into the mat as well. Relax your arms, curl your fingers. Think of your back sinking into the mat, the back of your legs. Your knees relax, feet open up. Give your toes a wiggle and relax them too.

Now try to let your mind just focus on your breathing. Sometimes thoughts or images will pop into your head. That is ok, your mind will do what it wants to do. Notice the image but put it away for later and come back to your breath. Do this as many times as needed until you are just hearing and feeling the deep inhalations and exhalations.

Now I want you to think of someone, something, a word, a name, a story, a movie that inspires you. Is it the word family? Do you see a particular person smiling at you in your minds eye? Is it a story you read or heard about someone who against insurmountable odds became who or what they wanted to be? Many different things, stories and people inspire me. And it changes all the time. Find your inspiration.

See that image in your minds eye and surround it with a golden light so it is illuminated. Now anchor that feeling in your mind and see yourself on the field. You are relaxed , strong, and confident and you have an energized but calm demeanor. See the scoreboard showing your team victorious. See your coach and your parents cheering and proud of the hard work you have put in. You are powerful beyond measure and nothing and no one can stop you from feeling this way. Choose this great feeling everyday. In sports and in life. You are as happy and powerful as you choose to be.

“Who would attempt to fly with the tiny wings of a sparrow when the mighty power of the eagle has been given to him?”

Visualization for Victory!

Meditatation excercise I wrote with children in mind....but everyone can use it!

This is a visualization exercise that you can use every morning when you wake up and every night before you go to bed. When you practice this regularly you will see it will help you not only on the playing field but also in the classroom, with your friends and at home.

BEFORE BED:

Make sure you have turned off all electronics and you are in a comfortable, quiet place. You can be sitting up or lying down, whichever you prefer.

Start by taking in deep breaths through your nose. Keep your mouth closed and place your tongue on the back of your top teeth very lightly. Place your palms face up by your sides and roll your shoulders down and back away from your ears. Keep your inhale and your exhale deep and even. Try to clear your mind of everything except the sound of your breath. This is hard to do sometimes so if thoughts pop in just push them out and keep breathing. After a minute or two of this I want you to see yourself in your mind. If you have a game that day I want you to picture yourself in your uniform. You are confident, smiling and happy. You have complete faith in your ability and you know your going to have a great game. See yourself before you are up at bat and say YES as you see yourself hitting the ball with strength and accuracy. See yourself in the field and say YES to yourself as you catch the ball and make the play. You have to say YES to yourself in all aspects of your life. If you choose YES there is no room for anything but success, even if you have to keep trying by saying YES you are on your way to VICTORY in everything you do.

BEFORE YOU GET OUT OF BED IN THE MORNING:

You will wake up after your bedtime visualization feeling confident and energized! Before you even get out of bed take a few of those deep breathes through your nose inhaling and exhaling deeply and evenly. Close your eyes smile and think to yourself in your mind YES!! Get out of bed and do a few of the stretches you learned, get the blood flowing to your brain and go and have a great day.

THROUGH OUT THE DAY:

Whenever you feel your confidence starting to waiver, (and sometimes you will because everyone feels that way sometimes), stop what ever it is that is making you feel that way take a deep breath, refocus your energy from NO back to YES! And keep going. You can do anything you set your mind to if you say YES!

**Did you know that every successful professional athlete uses visualization to help them stay focused? You see yourself victorious, you say yes to your ability and confidence and believe in yourself and no matter what happens even if you stumble go right back to your breath and say YES!

The next time your in the game and you make the play or have a great hit when you can, take a breath, remember what you felt like when you were able to do that and try to go back to that feeling. Breath easy, roll those shoulders back and down, you are confident and strong. YES!!

Lowering Your Gaze

                                        

Sometimes it all seems like way too much. Why are some days overwhelming? Yesterday I didn’t feel like I had insurmountable tasks in front of me but today I do. A tight feeling comes into my chest, my breath quickens. As far as my eye can see are obstacles in my way. How will I ever be able to do all of these things? Then I hear a whisper “lower your gaze”.

And I stop looking into the horizon of what I can not possibly get done and look right in front of me and start with the first thing I see, then the next and the next. The tightness leaves, I can take a deep breath. 

Oprah and the Art of Vacuum Cleaner repair.

My friend Pat and I were having a glass of wine one night, (maybe we had more than a glass but who is counting?) we were complaining to each other about the lack of common sense some people generally seem to have when it comes to the basic fundamentals of raising good kids. We decided we would write a very simple book on how to raise children. We came up with different titles like, Hey, Stupid! This is How You do it! Or Your Kid Sucks, This is Why!  Among others. but then thought maybe we should keep it positive and maybe add Oprah’s name in it somewhere because then she would definitely have us on her show. I think for the rest of the night we abandoned the book idea and just decided where we would stay in Chicago and what restaurant we would have dinner with Oprah and Gayle in after the show. But from my notes the next day, stained with circles of red, I pieced together and added a little to what became this entry. (A little play on the meaning of life book, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance). These are the basic guidelines that in my opinion will help you to raise confident, empathetic, kind and happy citizens of the future.

Say your prayers every night:

Everyone needs FAITH IN GOD. Or spirituality or a higher power or whatever deity you want to have faith in. But praying to something or someone you can’t see instills every child to have faith. We can’t see it, hear it or touch it but it is there. We learn to trust that an invisible being is helping us through life and that’s a good thing.

If we teach them this when they are babies then when the going really gets tough when they get older they will know, no matter what, they are never alone. I am not a particularly religious person but I certainly feel the Holy Spirit, (which is what I choose to call the higher power I pray to) with me all the time. “When I find myself in times of trouble mother Mary comes to me, speaking words of wisdom let it be”. Has a more beautiful and meaningful song ever been written? If your troubled, broken hearted, feeling low you have someone to rely on and lean on right inside you all the time. I find great comfort in that and I can not imagine that anyone wouldn’t love to find out when they are scared and alone, there really not alone at all and if they look through the darkness they will find the light that shines on them. We must instill this in all children no matter what your faith. You are loved and not alone! When things are going your way and life is rosy, lets teach our children the art of gratitude. Giving thanks each day for the joy in their lives. Thanking the Holy Spirit every time you’re looking at the ocean, or walking outside on a beautiful day or when your mom makes your favorite desert. Knowing how to express gratitude and cherish life. Can you imagine?

Read/Sing/Play/Craft/Create:

Please turn off your TV’s and computers, cell phones, hand held gaming devices and all electronics and play. Everyone should help their kid make a homemade valentine, bake a cake, learn all the old folk songs. When three year olds are singing along to Brittany “If you seek Amy” something is seriously wrong! Twinkle twinkle, Row your boat, BINGO, Michael rowed the boat ashore, Halleluiah! Do parents sing these songs anymore?

Paint, draw, and make up stories, read bedtime books or middle of the day or morning books. Send them outside to battle pirates under the branches of the old oak tree in the yard. Catch lightening bugs, they are back! They were gone for a while but they are back and want to be caught by kids on a hot summer night. (And I think you should put them in a jar and use them as a night-light even if it isn’t GREEN)

The more we let our children use there imagination and express them selves creatively the happier and more adjusted they will be. I have no scientific evidence of this I just know it because I am a mom. All little kids want is to do fun things like color and play dough and hide and go seek with their parents, friends, cousins and grand parents. If you do this now they will like you later. I don’t buy that, “do it now while they still want to be with you’. I have four children and I have found if you treat them with respect, fairness, kindness and love they will ALWAYS want to be around you. Don’t pat them on their heads when they are 17 and tell them they don’t understand because they are still children. Hell no! That 17 year old is a year away from being able to fight for his or her country. I am going to treat them like they could potentially be carrying fire arms in a year and we will be cool.

Say Please and Thank You:

Manners are typically not inherited traits. You have to teach all children to say Thank You, Please, May I, God Bless You”. Hold doors, look people in the eye when you speak and PLEASE have a firm handshake when you meet people. Speak in a clear articulate voice, stand up straight, and sit up straight. BE KIND. Stick up for your friends and definitely stick up for your brother’s sisters, cousins, aunts, uncles, mom and dad. Family is so important. Friends are important to but only the ones you can call at 3 am on the side of a deserted highway 2 hours away to come pick you up. If you cant ask them to do that then don’t worry about them too much. If you can, then treat them like they are your family.

If you can somehow teach your children through actions, not words, (they seem to learn best this way, maybe they are all visual learners!) That in life it is not your success’ that you learn your life lessons from but your failures. It is ok to fall. It will teach you to pull yourself back up. And at the end of life what matters most is your family. And its not, how much money does my family have? It’s how is my relationship with them? How happy are they? Do they love each other? As well as their spouses. Are they good people? If I could see the future and be able to look at my death I would want to see exactly this, me lying serenely on a bed in my own home, surrounded by my family all smiling and celebrating a wonderful life. I would die feeling as though I had won the lottery because I had.

Have Sportsman like conduct on the playing fields and off. Teamwork teaches you how to problem solve. Teamwork shows you how to play well with others. Even if they are not your best friends you will how to learn to work with all kinds of people. Teamwork teaches responsibility to people who rely on you to do your part. Sports are a microcosm of life. If you work hard, if you are coachable during coachable moments, if you learn you are a leader or better as part of the pack that teaches you a lot about life.  It is a bonding experience to play for a team. Is there a greater feeling of working together as a unit to achieve a positive end result? And if it ends in loss and you handle yourself in a dignified, sportsman like manner, well that teaches you even more because it’s the losses in our lives that we learn from, not the wins.

Boys:

Be kind, compassionate, hardworking, chivalrous, honest and loyal (but only if someone deserves your loyalty and is loyal to you in kind)

Please treat women with respect. That girl is someone’s, sister or daughter and someday someone’s mom so please treat her with the respect she deserves. Even if she doesn’t understand that she deserves it. (If you know better than you understand that.) Help those weaker than you, in character and body. We need to teach our boys that you can be tough and still have soft spots.

Girls:

Be all of the things that boys should be. Don’t forget you hold the power. You control the situation. If you respect yourself others will respect you too. You will give off an energy of confidence and grace. If the cute boy at school doesn’t want to go out with you because you wont do what he wants then as hard as this is you must remember, he loses. You win. Someday you will find the boy that loves you and respects you. If he isn’t in front of your face keep looking, maybe he is right behind you and has been there all the time waiting for you to see him. If all the girls got together and made a pact that they would have self respect, dignity and grace the boys would have no choice but to treat you with such.

Education:

EDUCATION, EDUCATION. EDUCATION,

Learning is growing. The more you learn the more rich and fulfilling your life will be. Never stop learning. If school is hard, at least do your homework and go to extra help. The teachers will see you trying and they will be inspired. They will remember why they became teachers and they will help you. Then when you are older you can study what interests you. Find your passion! Do what you love and love what you do. Education is freedom. If you have knowledge you hold the keys to your future and you call the shots.  Be open minded to different kinds of people. Everyone has a story and we are all connected by being members of the human race. You will never know if you will learn the greatest lesson of your life from a place where you least expect it. Be open and ready for new things to learn from everyday.

Community Service:

You must help through service. Even though the world seems big, it is still one world. We all live here together and we have to help each other. Bill Cosby said, “Hurt people, hurt people”. If you can help take away the hurt that someone feels the pain, fear, loneliness or despair that makes people hurt then you are making the world a better place. You will feel 100 times better than the person who you’re helping I guarantee that.  Ask in the office of your school or church what projects are going on. Service should be required by everyone in the United States every year of their lives forever. Coat drives, food drives, blood drives, walks for cancer, runs for charity. Build a house, tutor or coach a kid in something your good at, collect cans, clean a yard for an older person. The possibilities are endless and you will touch people’s lives in a way you cant imagine and it will bring you so much joy and happiness and pride that you will want to keep on doing it.

Jiminy Cricket:

Always let Your Conscience be your Guide. A cartoon never spoke truer words. That little voice in your head that Jiminy told Pinocchio about? The one that says, as you’re about to do something bad, “DON’T DO IT!!” That is your conscience. And you should trust it and listen to it. And if you get really good at listening to it not only will your life be better but you will soon start to realize that little voice is the Holy Spirit in you. It’s been with you all along. Guiding you and helping you and your life will be wonderful once you choose to listen to it.

Believe Good Things Will Happen:

Believe good things will happen and they will. When bad things happen use it as a lesson and learn from it. And when really bad things happen know that something good is coming if you only have FAITH. 

Of Course it is Scary, But you Must Be Brave!

          

I was watching Sesame Street with my kids when they were small and there was a little boy who was crying to Grover that he was afraid to get his haircut. Grover said, “Why are you afraid?” and the little boy said, “Because its going to hurt when the barber cuts my hair!” to this Grover replied, “Of course its going to hurt but you must be brave!” We laughed and laughed at this at the time but for some reason I never forgot the message. If it is not scary, then you’re not being brave.

Sometimes hurt is necessary. Sometimes you have to have to feel the growing pains in order to grow.  How ironic that the moments that we fear most in life are the moments that can make us who we are meant to be.

What is scarier to a young woman than the fear of pain in childbirth? What is more rewarding than being handed your baby after you deliver her or him? Fear vanished, pain erased and your left with only love.

Nelson Mandela is credited with this passage but he actually got it from ‘A Course in Miracles’.

Our worst fear is not that we are inadequate; our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God; your playing small doesn't serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us. It is not just in some of us, it is in everyone, and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Nelson Mandela

I love that! Don’t play small!! If there is fear replace it with love. Sometimes all you have to do is envision an inspiration. A face of your child, a book you read, a friend or mentor who has been courageous and brave. Take their strength; they want you to have it! If there is still fear then take a deep breath, throw your shoulders back put a smile on your face and you can fake it till you make it. It is 100 percent a choice you make and if you choose love and happiness there is no room for fear.

 Fearless Breathing and Meditation if you have 5 minutes

Close your eyes and take deep breaths. After a few breaths start thinking in your mind as you inhale I am inhaling positive energy and as you exhale you think, I am exhaling negative energy.

Try doing this for 5 to 10 breaths. On the last deep inhale think to yourself, I am inhaling positive energy. And on your last exhalation think, I am exhaling positive energy. If you have time try to sit quietly for a few more breaths. You are ready to face the challenges of whatever life may bring to you with no fear only love. You are courageous and brave; your energy will inspire everyone around you.

75 Degrees and Sunny with a Slight Breeze

It is not 75 degrees and sunny with a slight breeze in my body today. This is the description of my favorite kind of weather. A friend asked me months ago to describe my favorite weather. I said it was 75 degrees and sunny with a slight breeze. She then asked me how do I feel when I am experiencing this sort of weather. I replied that I didn’t know where I left off and the outside world began. I am just completely at ease, content and happy. She told me if I was living my authentic life then this is how my body would feel all the time. When talking to other people, when dealing with my family, when having fictious conversations with people in my mind that I imagine are more powerful then little old me.

All the time? What about when I am angry, frustrated or sad. Well, she said, if you learn to pay attention to your body and learn to respond instead of react then you will be able to slow things down and take things in, notice them and before you say anything, go back to 75 degrees and sunny with a slight breeze before you respond. Then you will be living in the moment, not reacting to a trigger from the past you allow someone to set off in you.

I am full of fear that does not allow me to live in my 75 degree, sunny breezy world. It is a constant practice to go back to the good place. I am not good, smart, thin, able enough to do…….blah, blah, blah. But of course I am. I am more powerful  than beyond measure.

75 degrees and sunny with a slight breeze. There I am back again.