I’m on the road to Shambala…

Just be good and do good…Swami Sivanandaji

On my way home from an amazing, exhilarating, beautiful and exhausting Yoga training in San Diego. It was such a great experience. Kristin, the teacher who I did my very first training with in 2006 was the teacher for this master class. Very fitting that the teacher who changed everything for me was the same teacher for this very profound training.

In 1998 I took my first yoga class at an adult Ed class at the local high school. My kids were small and my stress was high and I loved it from the start. It took me to where I needed to go. I new it would always be a part of my life in some way.

In 2006 my kids were in the process of demoting me from manager to consultant. I was living a very blessed life but I still wasn’t feeling satisfied. Something was missing. I had everything I could ever want, happy marriage, healthy kids, nice house and great friends, life was great! So what was wrong with me? Why wasn’t I completely happy? I went to that first training and I started on my path to finding the answer to that and many more questions I didn’t even know needed answering. It was a life changing experience to say the least.

Cut to 2011, I am still on the path I started years ago, (and God willing, I will be learning and growing my practice for the rest of my life.) I went out to a Yoga Fit Mind, Body Fitness Conference in San Diego/Del Mar. Kristin, who was the one who taught that first training that started it all for me was teaching this master class along with her assistant Robin. This class focusing more on the history and philosophy of yoga. The good stuff! I couldn’t wait. Our group of merry Yogi’s met on day one and unlike the feeling of uncertainty I had walking into that first training, by the time your signing up for this class, you know you are dedicated and will be with like minded people who aren’t just dipping their toe in the yoga water.

Kristin and Robin did not disappoint. They led us through difficult poses while teaching us Sanskrit along the way with patience and humor. We had deep, meaningful conversations and they helped all of us take our practice to a more meaningful level.

At many times over the course of the training I had moments where I felt like I had known these people before. A few of us played the ‘Did we meet at…?’ Positive we had met before at some place and time. We all shared this sense of familiarity. There was a connection between our group. We supported, inspired and encouraged each other throughout the training.

At several times throughout we chanted together and listened to and sang along to beautiful devotional mantras. I found myself wiping away a tear or two feeling the vibration of Om mani padme hum resonating deep within my heart. The translation is ‘May the jewel of the lotus shine forth to unite us all.’ And it did. We took part in a Kirtan, (sort of like a community chant), with other classes, reinforcing that feeling of unity we all shared. Kristin’s beautiful voice leading us all. No one was embarrassed or self-conscious just happy to be there, being a part of it all. Felicia Marie Tomasko who is this really cool chick who is the editor of LA Yoga came in to talk to us about among other things, the Gunas. We listened to her with rapt attention and when her time with us was up it felt like a minute. We could have listened all day.

At the end we sat in our imperfect circle, (it seemed to always resemble more of an egg for some reason). Kristin had to leave after our last practice together, (which was a beautiful practice BTW) and watching her go, I realized I was happy to get to go home later myself but sad to say goodbye all the same. Coming to trainings, retreats, practicing regularly, it just reinforces my belief and devotion for what I’m doing. What everyone there is doing. Just making our little corners of the world a little bit happier, nicer, peaceful.  The Yoga Fit program is cool because just like Yoga, it guides you but it is up to you to make your practice what you want it to be. They don’t tell you, now you have to do these poses, in this order to this music. It’s more like here is ALL THIS INFORMATION…now go forth and be good and do good. The program, although supportive of its students allows you to be your own yogaself.

Robin let us know that she had posted on her Facebook page the night before ‘These people make me want to be better.’  I think we all felt that way so right back at ya Robin. Looking through the Training Manual afterwards I wrote down little bits of wisdom that I picked up along the way. Things like, ‘Read the Dharma of Star Wars’, check out MC Yogi’s Chakra Beat Box, Jeffrey Armstrong Vedic Avatar!(rewatch movie!!) (PS. Avatar was the movie on the plane on my way home. Coincidence?HMMM)

 And, MAKE FOUR SONG PLAYLIST!!!! Everything changes! Pick attachments wisely! YOGA STARTS NOW!

I walked along the cliff looking at the Pacific after we were through. The sun was setting and I was feeling like it was 73 degrees with a slight breeze. Almost my perfect weather! (See blog #1!) A very inspiring few days. Lots of ideas to keep new classes fresh and fun and more meaningful as well as silly and cool and just a good workout if that’s what we’re looking for on any particular day. It’s all ok! Happy to have my ‘Satch’ book, (as Kristin lovingly referred to The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali), to keep finding inspiration in. Leaving you with a little something from Sri Swami Satchidananda

Everyday let us check our progress and see that we grow a little better. Every day should elevate us a little, broaden our attitudes, reduce our selfishness and make us better masters over our own body, senses and mind. This is the kind of Yoga that will really help us. And let that highest goal toward which Patanjali’s Sutras point be our goal: that one day we should all attain the highest Samadhi, the totally liberated state. This liberation is not for the remote future or for when we die; it is to be lived in the very midst of the world.

A Letter to my Daughter on her 21st Birthday.

Our oldest child turned 21 this week. She gave me her permission to share with you the letter I wrote her in between crying all weekend. (all kinds of tears, from a little mist of happy nostalgia to the downright ugly cry.) All you parents know how I feel. I'm sure you all feel the same way about the miracles that are your own children....

To the one who started everything, on the day of your 21^st birthday. Happy Birthday Beth! I am amazed that 21 years has gone so quickly and yet thinking back on you, as a little curly haired girl seems like another lifetime ago. Funny, when we found out you were coming your Dad and I were never afraid. Almost as if we somehow knew how wonderful it would be to be your parents. Not scary at all but an amazing adventure that would bring us nothing but love and happiness. (Even when you were in Middle school)

From the first moment we saw you, we knew how special you were and how much love you were going to bring into all of our lives. Our families, our friends, everyone loved you and knew you were an amazing little kid.

I hope that feeling of love you received from so many people stays in your heart all of your life. I know we can be hard on you sometimes. Its our job as your parents to prepare you as best we can for what life brings. I guess our thinking is, maybe if we are hard on her, when life gets hard she will be able to handle it. When in reality, I have every faith in you that you will handle anything and everything that life brings you beautifully, with grace and dignity. That is not to say you won’t make mistakes because we all do, but you have that determined ability in you to shake it off and keep moving forward. That is a wonderful trait to possess! That makes all the difference in the world in how you will get through difficult times.

We can’t shield you from pain and heartache that everyone has to have in life. Fortunately, your life is yours to live, not ours. But don’t ever worry, because the things that seem the scariest and the hardest are the things that don’t define us but refine us and all I can do is love you and have faith in you that you are stronger than you know and you have an inner strength in you that you haven’t even had to tap into to much yet, but know that its there for you when you need it and you created that all on your own without any help from your Dad and I.

If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together,

 There is something you must always remember. 

You are braver than you believe, stronger than 

You seem, and smarter than you think.

 But the most important thing is, even if we're apart.. I'll always be with you.” 

 

Winnie the Pooh

Remember these words Bethy. A silly yellow chubby bear has summed up everything you need to know. It has been and will continue to be, all of my life, a privilege to be your Mom. Thank you for that. Have a great Birthday. I love you.

TRUST

 “I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much.” – Mother Theresa of Calcutta.

Once you have felt the pain of betrayal, (and we all have to some degree or another), once someone has robbed you of your trust in them or trust in yourself to ‘know better’. How do we open our hearts again? How do you allow your heart to go unguarded when it feels as if our instinct tells us to keep the armor up and don’t let it down?

With the “news” filled with spouse’s cheating on each other, people cheating others out of money, people lying for their own ‘gain’. What is God telling us? Don’t believe anyone? Trust no one?

As the Twin Towers fell was it a coincidence that the priest molestation scandal was soon to follow? I remember thinking at the time, ‘God, when we need you the most, why are you testing our faith now?’ If my government can’t protect me and my church can’t protect me than we are truly alone, so get that armor on!

Why then, like Charlie Brown kicking the football Lucy is holding, do we keep trying? Why don’t we just give up and lock our hearts up and throw away the key? Life is to painful. Its to hard, if I don’t put myself out there then I won’t get hurt. The reason why we don’t give up, the reason why we keep trying to kick the football is our spirits capacity for love is so much greater than our minds capacity to remember pain. Why is it that when someone who maybe wasn’t always so nice passes away after time we only remember the good things about him or her? Why do women keep having babies?

No one wants to be dependant on anyone else for anything. Not for money, shelter and not even love. It just doesn’t feel right. We fear it gives someone power over us, makes us weak and resentful. Fear is what holds us back from love. Love is what will set us free from fear. Hmmm. Seems like a catch 22 doesn’t it? We let our fear get into our thoughts and our thoughts become our actions. If we would only love ourselves as easily as we hate ourselves we wouldn’t have to keep learning the same lessons over and over again. Like a hamster spinning on a wheel, wouldn’t it feel so good to get off and rest?

The only way that I see a way out of this hamster wheel is faith. We must keep the faith that even if someone, (including ourselves) is trying to hurt us in one way or another, that we are stronger. That our faith and love, in and for ourselves will overcome our fear and distrust of others. I don’t think it is our instinct telling us to shield ourselves from others, it is our ego. That is why it doesn’t feel good to have feelings of hatred, distrust, resentment or pain. Our own bodies are telling us, ‘this isn’t how its supposed to be.’  You can feel it in your gut, in your heart, in your throat when something ‘isn’t right’. Our bodies will never lie to us. Think of taking those feelings you have and throwing them in the garbage can and sealing the lid. You are left with an open heart, deep clean breath and clear thinking. If someone is trying to harm you, it really has nothing to do with you. That is their own fear talking.  Fear is the driving force behind pain. Replace your own fear with faith and love and no matter what anyone else tries to ‘do to you’ know that you are going to eventually be ok. God gives us these lessons so we learn that we can handle anything. That we have nothing to fear. He made us so powerful that even when the worst imaginable things happen we can get through it. If God has that kind of trust in us it’s the least we can do to have that trust in ourselves.

COINCIDENCE? I DON'T THINK SO!

“A coincidence is a small miracle in which God chooses to remain anonymous.”

 I became friends with Marybeth when our now 21 year olds were 10 and in the same fifth grade class. We became fast friends and although distance keeps us apart for most of the year she and her family have remained some of our favorite people to this day and I always love when we are able to get together.

Marybeth was my first real reintroduction to serious physical fitness since high school team sports. She is a personal trainer and group class aerobics instructor and when my kids were little my big night out would be to go to Marybeth’s class and grab a salad (and a margarita!) afterwards with girls from the class. My love of fitness grew from Marybeth’s dedication, enthusiasm and talent for inspiring others and a few years later I became a yoga instructor myself and found a love for helping people and teaching people all because of those aerobics classes! Marybeth and I were out for dinner over a year ago when we started brain storming about different things we could do together. Combine her amazing talents for aerobic physical fitness and my knowledge of Yoga and meditation and maybe we could put together the greatest ladies night out ever! (Maybe we would even end it with a margarita? Who knows!)? Its always exciting and fun when you get that back and forth going with a like minded person. Just a little reminder that possibilities are still endless and its never to late to live the dream!!

I think of her often and did so again when I read Crush it! (See past blog) I thought not only would she love it but her son who just graduated from college would as well. (Being someone who would appreciate the message the book sent to young entrepreneurial types.) But like people do, I tucked it away and sort of forgot to tell her about it. (Not listening to my instincts! Not looking for the miracles!) 

So my phone rings today and it says its Marybeth calling! I answered and she said, ‘Is this Jen Smith?’ ha ha! No its Jen Kessenich. And we laughed because she called me “accidentally”. I told her about the Crush it! Book I had been meaning to tell her about and she said “That’s so funny because I was calling Jen Smith to tell her how much I am loving her book, ‘How to Launch Your Rocket’.” She told me an inspiring story about a mutual friend of ours that I have known since elementary school who went from stay at home mom to millionaire in two years all from following her passion. She is now sharing her story in a book. Hmmmm. Sounds good to me! I reconnected with Jen myself two years ago when again, my friend Marybeth got me into this nutritional cleansing system, Isagenix that she was introduced to by Jen Smith. So I listened and I liked it and got involved and my family and I still use Isagenix to this day.

All of these coincidences swirling around.  We ended the conversation with the brainstorming back and forth we started over a year ago. Except suddenly our ideas don’t seem like fantasies but things we can grasp and hold onto and make a reality.

I think today was just reconfirming what I already know. There are great things awaiting me right around the corner but I have to go and get them! That is true for all of us! Little miracles falling right into our hands everyday. Open your hearts and your eyes and see what life has in store for you. I will bet if you choose to look at something from a different view, something you see everyday can change your life. There are no coincidences, just miracles. Don’t be afraid to go out and grab it. We are all destined for greatness if we want it. 

My story could be, 'I grew up in Hampton Bays, my parents made me get a summer job in Westhampton when I was in high school, I met my future husband that summer, I married young and had four children'. OR, I could look at it like this, If I didn't go to Hampton Bays elementary school I would never have met Jen Smith. If I didn't get that summer job I would never have met my husband. If I never met my husband, my children, who are the greatest miracle of my life, wouldn't be born. If my daughter got a different teacher maybe I never would have been friends with Marybeth. Thus, all changing the course my life took. But all of these things did happen. MIRACULOUSLY!  OK, I'm listening!!