I Think My Horse Hates Me.

“Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word happy would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. It is far better take things as they come along with patience and equanimity.” Carl Jung

I am not going to sit here and pretend that living in the summertime on the east end of Long Island, NY isn’t amazing because it really is. We have some of he most beautiful beaches in the world, family and friends around. BBQ’s, margaritas the sun filled days and starry-skied nights. We are lucky and we know it.

However that doesn’t mean that even surrounded by the natural beauty that we have all around us we don’t lose sight of all the things we have to be grateful for.

Our health, loved ones, their health. I think that pretty much sums up the biggies. If we could wake up like Jimmy Stewart everyday and realize the world is a better place because we are in it and all you need is love what a wonderful world this would be! (I know two songs in one sentence, I’m so original.)

Sadly we get side tracked and forget very quickly how lucky we are and the ego pokes its ugly head out and we start to get further away from what is real and start to buy into the illusion of what is not.

My friend Allyson has a friend Maura who upon hearing someone’s ridiculous complaint about something inane, (ice cubes in their margarita to cold perhaps?) She coined what has now become a catch phrase for the summer, “And to top it all off I think my horse hates me.” I thought it was a very clever saying to come up with on the absurd things people find to complain about.

I know we all have ‘stressors’. We cannot control that because the rent still has to be paid and the food still has to be on the table and you still have to deal with people pushing your buttons and Aunt Helen coming to stay for two weeks and the idiot who took your parking spot. That will never change. But our response to the stressors is our stress. So as Duke from Magic’s used to say ‘It’s mind over matter. If you don’t mind than it don’t matter.”

The extent or quality of that stress is up to us. When you start to feel anxiety, stress, worry fear or anger take your deep belly breaths. By a deep belly breath I mean inhale through your nose, your belly will rise on the inhale and fall on the exhale. You can go ahead and put one hand on your belly and test it out. Deep breath in, belly rises, exhale, belly falls. This breathing stimulates your parasympathetic nervous system. Breathing is the only thing we do consciously and unconsciously so when we breathe from our belly we are consciously slowing down our heart rate and balancing our own energy.

If you look at stressors from a different perspective you may even be able to find the benefits of stress. Our bodies never lie to us. Our bodies always tell the truth, we just don’t always want to listen because it may mean we have to make some radical changes and everyone fears change.

Try not to resist the information your body gives you. If you have anxiety and it brings you to a yoga class where you learn to belly breathe, well then that anxiety just gave you a gift! How would you ever learn about belly breathing if that darn anxiety didn’t make you?

A certain amount of stress or pain allows us to connect on a deeper level to who we really are. When you meet someone who has had tragedy or illness and they don’t sweat the small stuff and its because they already know the small stuff isn’t real. Pain allows us to understand our own essence of what is real. Just like in a yoga class you need the work before the shivasana, or rest at the end because without it, you’re just laying down on a mat on the floor. It doesn’t mean anything. But after you have worked hard and dripped sweat and pushed yourself, that rest feels amazing. And you are making that connection with who you truly are.

Hopefully we are all always evolving. For real transformation a little rain must sometimes fall. Don’t fear the hard stuff. Have faith and keep an open mind. The hard stuff will bring you to what you really need and who you really are.

I just recently learned that before the ice age “man”, (HA! prove it!) invented fire. Thus enabling human beings to survive.

We already have everything we need in life within us. Tap into it. Break through anxiety, stress, worry, fear and anger and connect to your spiritual stamina. You are stronger than you think.

Or keep the anxiety, pop a pill, make an excuse, curse your boss/spouse/kids. Stay where you are because it’s familiar. At least your horse doesn’t hate you.

Living From Your Whole Heart

The antidote to exhaustion is wholeheartedness.

Everybody’s tired. How many times a day do you hear yourself or your friends say, “I’m exhausted”?

If your work/life is being done with your whole heart, if you are being your authentic self in what you “do” you will not feel that draining exhausted feeling at the end of the day. If anything you will have to drag yourself away from whatever it is your doing and you will be left with a feeling of exhilaration. Sure your body will get tired and you will have to rest but you won’t feel drained and dragged down. How often when you are doing something you love has the time past swiftly by? I went for a seven-mile walk with a friend the other day and we were having one of the most real and authentic conversations while we walked that I had ever had. The seven miles fell away and when we got back to our starting point we both said, “I could do that all over again!” Sometimes you don’t remember to eat because your so intent on whatever it is your doing.

Our bodies really don’t need as much food as we think we do, case in point, when we are living an authentic life and doing something wholeheartedly our bodies don’t signal its time to stop for cheeseburgers. Quite the opposite, your body says keep going! Have an apple and stay at task.

So now not only are you lost in your passion for doing something you love you are staying fit as well as deepening the mind, body and spirit connection.

Don’t confuse pleasure for joy. The ego seeks pleasure and the soul seeks joy. It won’t really work if you think your passion to live your authentic life is something that only gives pleasure not joy that you feel in your soul. Having drinks with friends brings pleasure, doing something for humanity brings joy. One of my favorite thing to do is to entertain. I love having friends over for dinner and parties, making great food and drinking great wine. I felt like it was something that not only I loved to do but I was good at it as well. We had so much fun hosting parties and dinnersover the years; everyone always had a great time and looked forward to our gatherings. After many years of being the consummate host I realized that I was not getting the same feeling from throwing the party as I had in the past. I was starting to feel tired and a little resentful for always having to ‘be the one’ to have everyone over. Even though no one asked me to and I was only putting myself in the position of catering to everyone. After some introspection I realized that it wasn’t necessarily throwing a party that I loved what I really loved was caring for people. Throwing the party all the time was making me exhausted and unhealthy. I love my friends to be happy and comfortable and content. Laughter, having fun and having a human connection is joyful. It gives me great joy to help someone achieve that feeling. Throwing parties gave me pleasure and not serving others but being of service gave me joy. I just didn’t know how to express it any other way. SO I was almost there doing what was natural for me, being a host. But when it started to not feel quite right it was only through having some quiet introspection what I realized I really wanted to do and that was to be of service to people in a more meaningful capacity. Don’t get me wrong; I still love to put a dinner party together.  Choosing the guest list, the menu the wine the playlist of music. All of these things thrill me to no end. There is nothing wrong with a little pleasure now and again. I mean c’mon, we are only human after all! As long as it is done for the right reasons a gathering can allow great soulful joy.  But throwing parties wasn’t what I did professionally. Through yoga, reiki, meditation and breathing and even the blog I can help facilitate people to learn how to achieve balance in their lives and a greater sense of peace and happiness. My goal all along but being a party girl it just took me awhile to figure it out.

If your lucky enough to be able to sustain a living doing something that brings joy to you heart and soul you are the wealthiest person on the planet. What is “it”? What is your thing? If we all allowed ourselves to follow our dreams and live from the whole heart can you imagine how happy everyone would be just walking around everyday? Spread the word, it is all within our grasp. We just have to figure out what it is we can do from a whole heart. Whether it is writing, playing music, crunching numbers, teaching, debating, philosophizing or being analytical. Every one of us has a passion for something.

Following your dreams can make you happy have more energy AND you’ll be thin?? I’m in.

The Times they are a Changing

Come mothers and fathers

Throughout the land

And don't criticize

What you can't understand

Your sons and your daughters

Are beyond your command

Your old road is

Rapidly agin'.

Please get out of the new one

If you can't lend your hand

For the times they are a-changin'. B. Dylan

Just got back from a dream vacation in Italy with our family. Or shall I say, our Griswold European Vacation. Our oldest daughter Beth has been studying there for the past seven weeks and we went en masse to visit her for a few precious days in the Tuscany region.

 First stop Siena, where she was living. Siena is an unbelievably picturesque medieval village. Beth was waiting for us as we rolled into the hotel parking in our rented mini van, (seemed like a good idea on paper to get that thing and in retrospect it was but really all the van will be remembered for is giving the kids future ammo to mimic their father’s road rage trying to navigate a mini van on the tiny cobbled stone streets of a foreign land and me really helping matters by reminding Mark to ‘Just calm down’. That phrase rarely works the way you want it to yet it seems to be my “go to” in a pinch, always yielding the same result of having the opposite effect.)

We made it from the Florence Airport to our hotel (eventually) and it was great to feast our eyes on Beth. We missed her dearly; finally, I had all my little ducks in a row. I think every parent exhales that little bit of breath you don’t realize your holding in when all your family is together again after being apart and all is right with the world.

We spent the next several days exploring surrounding villages, eating amazing food and drinking great wine. We took things slow and our only agenda was to live la dolce vita, the sweet life, with our bambinos if just for a few days. Since moving to Florida a few years ago we had not been on a family vacation in quite some time, (our thought process is who needs a vacation when you live by the beach all year round. Another theory that really is just good on paper.) Something had changed in our family dynamic that I hadn’t noticed before this trip. Our children had grown up. I now know why Peter Pan was always my favorite story. I wanted my children to stay little forever. But just like Nana, I was being dragged out of the nursery.

Intellectually I knew that was the goal all along and we were passing milestones like graduations and birthdays to indicate that time was, in fact, going by. Get the little people, big and in one piece was our mantra over the years. Confident, kind, well rounded, independent people was what we were aiming for. Why was I so surprised when we finally got there? It wasn’t like it happened over night, it was of course gradual. Yet the rug was pulled out from under me as we sat in piattza’s eating fresh brushetta and drinking Chianti and I looked around at the kids my eyes did a double take still expecting doe eyed, chubby faced blond babies to be staring back at me. When MJ held her wine glass up and said ‘Mom, will you pour me a glass of wine’ I saw her four year old self with little pigtails and a sippy cup and had to blink a few times before the woman sitting in front of me holding up her wine glass came into focus. Now I am not implying that they are all grown up and they are out the door, we have got some time left. But there has been a shift. I have officially gone from manager to consultant for reals.

This next phase of life will be interesting for everyone if we all embrace the change. It’s scary to be facing the world as an adult for the first time. Just like when your three-year-old starts being what can only be described as a terrorist and you suddenly understand how people can actually let that kid go to “school” for a few hours everyday. When your kid is becoming an adult but still living under house rule they become a version of that terrorist again. Or rather, your perception of what they are “supposed” to be is shifting and brother you better go with it. Autonomy is a funny thing to a parent. My rational mind says, of course that is what we want! We have wanted you to be a responsible member of society since the day you were born. But then they start to self govern themselves and your parental instinct says, “Excuse me?” I remember when I used to work at Magic’s Pub as a waitress back in the day, Duke, the cook there would say, “I don’t call you son cuz you shine, I call you son cuz your mine.” But you realize that children are not your possessions. (YES THEY ARE, NO THERE NOT! My sister, my daughter.) The sacred contract is we get them through life with all the love and support they will hopefully ever need and when they are ready, they get to do it for someone else. The evolution of man continues.

Children growing up and out is scary for their parents as well. What am I if not the mother? Good God! Don’t go because then I’ll have to find out! Its sooo much easier giving baths and changing diapers than finding the meaning of your life. Hence the epidemic of adults who still act as though they are children. It’s not their fault! Their parents didn’t let them go when it was time and then all of the sudden your 28 year old “child” is still on your cell phone plan.

So I am learning to embrace the change. Some days my id will act up and I cling to what I already know so well, which is running the house like a tight ship giving orders and doling out punishments for minor infractions. (And loving them too.) But I’m learning to take a deep breath and let it go. Life as we know it is changing everyday for everyone no matter what we do. I have figured out that the world is still my oyster and everything is still possible. My son and my daughters are beyond my command and the times they are a changing, and  life is going to be just as is ought to be.

Gilda Radnor has a great quote,

"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next.

Delicious Ambiguity."

The Beginning.

Keeping It Real

We must adjust to changing times and still hold to unchanging principles.

I loves me a ceremony. A ritual for a formal occasion is the description in the dictionary. You are one person one minute, you go through a ceremony or ritual and suddenly you are someone else entirely. One day a cadet, the next a soldier.  A woman becomes a wife, a man a husband. A high school student gets a piece of paper turning them into a college student, a college student gets a piece of paper saying you are now ready to go out into the world and prosper. (If you are lucky.) A baptism starts your life with religion and hopefully spirituality. A funeral gives your loved ones closure to celebrate life and move on. All of these ceremonies are important to us and represent very real and meaningful times in all of our lives. They also make us immediately conjure up images in our minds of what they are supposed to look like. What life ‘should’ be after we go through with these rituals.

A few weeks ago I was given the privilege to attend my friend’s son’s wedding.

Who doesn’t love a wedding? Glowing happy people who are on the threshold of life together. They entered that church two separate people from two separate families and left united together as one. It was a beautiful day filled with loving sentiments from the priest who was a family friend to the toasts and speeches from their loved ones who were getting an opportunity to tell them what they really mean to them. (Which was the world.)

A week later we were at my son’s graduation. I sat there listening to the amazing keynote speaker they had, an alum who went on to be a Hollywood producer and screenwriter. He was down to earth and funny and he had a very important thing in common with all of the people there. Yes, he was a graduate of the school and since he was youngish some of the same faculty were still there when he attended. But he was a storyteller by trade and he narrated his story well. He related to all of us, not just the students but also everyone there by being his honest and authentic, REAL self while he told his tale. And I realized the reason why I love a ceremony is not because we get to dress up and drink champagne, (Bonus!) but because I am fascinated by the human experience. I love to hear a personal story. I even actually enjoy a funeral because I can’t wait to hear the eulogy. I love to laugh when I am sad and cry when I am happy. It’s all about the REAL story.

The only thing we have to watch out for is the ‘shoulds’. So many people say, “Well, now I graduated. I ‘should’ have it all figured out by now.” Or, “Now that we are married this is what I thought my spouse ‘should’ be like, or how I ‘should’ be in this role.” “The funeral was months ago, I ‘should’ be over it by now.”

The “when I have’s” and the “should’s” are risky business. We all have an archetype in our head of what it looks like when you go through a ritual and are standing on the other side a completely different person. What a gift we would give ourselves if we just threw the old images away and lived life presently and enjoyed/accepted what was.

So many people become co-dependant out of fear. Your happiness (and unless you are a special needs person, your very survival) cannot be dependant on what someone else is or is not doing.

When my daughter left for her trip abroad I gave her a journal that said on the cover, “He said he would give her the world, and she said thank you but she had her own.”  I love that! I am all for being independent. Do your own thing, find your passion and follow your own dreams and don’t mold them into fitting what you think it should be. But enjoy what it actually is. (I am learning this as I go myself, fly by the seat of my pants kind of thing.)

 That being said, at some point we are going to want to share our lives with other human beings. It’s just the way our souls roll. Now what can we do to find balance between being co-dependant and being independent? Maybe the new archetype we can train the future generations to have in their heads is one of inter-dependance. A true relationship where you are authentically you. Then when you are your REAL self and you allow someone else to be his or her REAL selves you are living in your truth.  So many of us are programmed to listen to the ‘shoulds’ that we don’t even know who or what our real self is or what it wants. Get quiet and listen. The whispers are telling you. I have often said on this blog and to my children, ‘Jiminy Cricket!’ They know from years of Disney, (Talk about creating false archetypes, thanks for the Princess fairy tale, not to mention making the very word stepmother sound

ee-ville Walt.) But from those two words my kids know when I say that it means, “Always let your conscience be your guide.”  Jiminy tried to tell Pinocchio. Listen to the voice in your head. That is your soul talking. Your soul is who you REALLY are. All this other stuff is smoke and mirrors. Life is ever evolving. A ceremony or a ritual is a wonderful way of celebrating hard work, life, marriage and even death. Don’t let a ceremony give you the ‘shoulds’. Live your life presently, be true to yourself and the people you love, live honestly and be REAL. 

Happy Graduation Boy!

You don't raise heroes, you raise sons.  And if you treat them like sons, they'll turn out to be heroes, even if it's just in your own eyes.  ~Walter M. Schirra, Sr.

My son is graduating from high school in a few weeks. My boy, Mark. We actually call him boy. When Kelly, his youngest sister, was little she referred to him as ‘boy’ since he was the only boy around with three sisters it made sense and it stuck.

It is an exciting time in his life. Not on the cusp of becoming a man but full on grown up manhood. He is everything anyone could ever want in a son and I am so proud of the person he is.

When I was in high school one of my favorite books was The Great Santini by Pat Conroy. (It was also a great movie, perfectly cast!) I specifically remember when I read the letter that the main character Ben’s mother wrote him on his 18^th birthday that I wanted to write my own son a letter like that one day. It struck a chord with me then and as I thought about my boy graduating I remembered that letter. I couldn’t say it better than Pat Conroy so here it is…

"My dear son, my dear Ben, my dear friend who becomes a man today, I want to tell you something," the letter began. "You are my eldest child, the child I have known the longest, the child I have held the longest. I wanted to write you a letter about being a man and what it means to be a man in the fullest sense. I wanted to tell you that gentleness is the quality I have admired the most in men, but then I remembered how gentle you were. So I decided to write something else. I want you to always follow your noblest instincts. I want you to be a force for right and good. I want you to always defend the weak as I have taught you to do. I want you to always be brave and know that whatever you do or wherever you go, you walk with my blessings and my love. Keep your faith in God, your humility, and your sense of humor. Decide what you want from life then let nothing deter you from getting it. I have had many regrets in my life and many sadnesses but I will never regret the night you were born. I thought I knew about love and the boundaries of love until I raised you these past eighteen years. I knew nothing about love. That has been your gift to me. Happy Birthday, Mama"

It isn’t Mark’s 18^th birthday, that day has come and gone. And he is not the oldest either, that belongs to his sister. But as he embarks on the journey of his life as a man I am happy to say he embodies the qualities that as a 16 year old girl I dreamt my future son to have one day. Our dear friend, Ferdie Wandelt once said, “Mark has a moral compass the likes that is rarely seen on a boy his age.” (One of my most proud moments.)

So Mark, boy, I know you are not perfect and I know you have and you will make mistakes,(sometimes you are the biggest bonehead of all in fact), but I love that you are the champion of the underdog, and the defender of the weak. I love that you follow your noblest instincts and always have. I love your sense of humor, you can always make me laugh and you break my heart just to look at you sometimes I love you so much.

I am not under any false pretenses that we made you who you are. You were born with the heart you have. You are you and neither Dad or I can take credit for the man you have chosen to become. You did that all on your own. (and if things go south from here on out and you turn out to be a bank robber or something, that’s not my fault either.)

Enjoy this magical summer between high school and college. The world is waiting for you and everything and anything is possible. Keep being yourself no matter where you go or what you do. Even when we are not around, we are with you every step of the way. 

Amazing Women, Amazing Weekend.

You don't have to search to find out who you are, you have to get quiet and remember who you have been all along.

YogaFit level 5 training was held this past weekend in Longwood, Florida.

I have been to everything from a Yoga Bikini Boot Camp to a silent meditation retreat and trainings in between and have never been on a bad yoga weekend. Some experiences are more interesting than others, but I always manage to get something out of them even if it is in retrospect. This weekend was different right from the beginning. The required reading for the weekend was Deb Shapiro’s ‘Your Body Speaks Your Mind.'  About self-care and listening to what your body is telling you about your life and health. We also received Eckhart Tolle’s ‘The Power of NOW’. How to identify your ‘pain body’ and cast it away to make room for the light that is already in you that your pain body cannot survive in, (Spoiler alert! You are the light!)

We were 19 women all together, 18 trainees and 1 trainer. The collective energy of our souls recognized what we had in this room before our ‘pain bodies’ did. Within an hour of coming together we felt comfortable enough with each other to share our stories on a very personal level. The room in the ballet school that the training was being held in was a cozy little Shangri-La and fears, competition and judgments were left on the steamy sidewalk outside.

Women of all ages, shapes and sizes welcomed, supported and gave helpful advice to each other over the course of the two days together. I hesitate to speak specifically of what was said because that belongs to the people who were there. The stories that were shared ran the spectrum of difficult times to unthinkable tragedy. We rallied around each other the way only a room full of strong women can do. (Pero), It wasn’t all Lilith Fair, we had a lot of laughs and I had a great dinner at the hotel with Janet our fearless leader, who shared a lot of her own personal stories of life. Using her own stories and encouraging us, (not that we needed encouragement!) to share ours in a way that related to the text at hand was an easy and enlightening way to understand the material on a deeper level. We can all relate to the human experience since we are all after all, human. Culminating this training into being the most personal one, for me, to date.

Of course during a guided meditation where we had to repeat affirmations it was all I could do at the end to not throw a Stuart Smalley in there and yell out, “And dog gone it, people like me!” But, I bit my tongue and giggled to myself. Someday I will be a grown up.

At the end of the two days we had listened, laughed, wept, danced and we were somehow transformed into someone else than who we were when we arrived there. We realized it is not what we learn that enlightens us but the pain from our past that we let go of LIGHTENS us. Amazing people, and a truly amazing weekend. 

Letting GO

"When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be." ~Lao Tzu 

We are all guilty of recreating the emotional environment of our early home lives one way or another. If you grew up in a relatively regular, (not normal but regular) household, then your parents did the best they could do and you probably have your standard run of the mill to down right severe neurosis. What becomes normal or feels like “home” later in life is a direct result of how we grew up. We attract what we know. It is rare for someone who hasn’t ridden a bit of road to know what not to do when forming a life of his or her own. If your mother was domineering maybe your friends or partners are too. If your Dad was abusive maybe that is the pattern we tend to take in our own lives. The devil that you know is better than the devil that you don’t know. We feel comfortable with our own crazy; it is our “normal”.

When we get into a relationship that is toxic we don’t always see it for what it is. Husband didn’t come home one night, wife verbally abusive in a social setting? Mm mm this feels right!

By now everyone knows Albert Einstein’s definition of insanity…doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Aren’t we all guilty of this at some point in our lives? When negativity occurs in your life and you start hearing yourself say things like, “why does this always happen to me?” Or even if something happens once and you think “why me?” Its time to recognize your pattern and ask yourself what responsibility do you have in whatever is going on. Carolyn Myss wrote a great book called Sacred Contracts that explains that before we are born we sign on for the lives we get to live and everyone and everything in it.

Basically we sign on for whatever we “need” to shift us to the next level of consciousness in this lifetime.

 Now if you buy into this theory (which I do) then it makes getting through the hard times a little easier to manage. OK God, I signed on for this for some reason, let me see what I need to see. Our responsibility to ourselves is to recognize our patterns and change the paradigm to see the forest through the trees. By responsibility I mean our ability to respond to any given situation that is happening in our lives and a much needed and valuable lesson directly sent from God. (Or Higher Power, the universe or insert belief system here)

If you are willing to change the lens and look at a “problem” as an opportunity to learn something invaluable to your life then you are one step closer to living in your truth. As I have said before most of us live a life of unrequited self-love. We are just hiding who we really are but only to ourselves.

In any given situation your body will tell you when something is not right. Tight chest, lump in the throat, heart racing? Listen up people…you already know the answers if you’re ready to listen! Your own body will tell you the truth you are seeking. Not seeking truth you say? Then the universe will give you what you need to know like a gift. God’s up there looking at us saying “Hey uh Peter, Tom is going through life seemingly happy as a clam, let’s give him a car accident to live through so he starts to see what he needs to see.” Uh, Thank you?

Pondering a life question? Say it out loud and notice how you feel. When you speak your truth your body will feel at ease. When you don’t you will feel that too.

You don’t even have to have anything “out” with anyone. Closure is for the birds. Who needs closure? That means your looking to be “right” or justified. “I just have to see that lying cheat one more time so he can tell me why he did that and then I’ll have closure.” Newsflash he did it because we are all victims of victims and he doesn’t know any better because he is living with his own pain.

 If you are willing to forgive or even willing to think about forgiveness than eventually it will come, that feeling we call being ‘light hearted’ is the feeling of living in your truth. Set them and yourselves free of your judgments and expectations and live your life with ease. Dis-ease comes from a state of unforgiving or being unwilling to forgive. You don’t have to wake up one day and say OK, I choose to forgive every jerk who ever wronged me, but if you choose to at least be open to it and willing to get there someday than the universe will do the rest. And one day you may wake up to that feeling of being light hearted that you haven’t experienced in so long you can’t remember what it feels like. Recognize that that is who you really are living the life you deserve to live. The truth shall set you free. 

Off to See the Wizard

Wherever you are, you are there.-Buddhist Saying

I always loved this time of year. As a kid Easter in my book was second only to Christmas. Halloween was too scary and the other lesser holidays, (Valentine, St.Paddy’s etc) really did nothing for me. Easter was the promise of a new dress, Easter baskets, furry bunnies and little chicks. What little girl wouldn’t love that? Throw in a unicorn and a rainbow and its really all any girl could ever want in a holiday. The only bad thing in my kid perspective was that every year at Easter time The Wizard of Oz was shown on TV. Because nothing says Christ has risen like a scary witch. I have no idea why they chose April to always show this movie every year but I would start to feel the thrilling panic rise in my chest all the way to my throat that soon the movie was going to be on and you absolutely had to watch it. There would be discussions at school and there was just no missing it since you would be taunted with “YOU HAVE TO WAIT A WHOLE YEAR TO GET A CHANCE TO SEE IT AGAIN!!” There were no On Demand or DVD, heck there were no Beta max or VCR even!! (It was practically Little House on the Prairie times! Our children really have no idea what we lived through.)

Year after year watching through my fingers wondering why on Earth Dorothy just didn’t ask Glinda to stay with her the entire time? I would never leave her side if I were her! Let me in your bubble! I’m coming with you!! Then when she tells her she could have gone home all along but she didn’t bother mentioning that because she knew Dorothy wouldn’t have believed her? Are you kidding me? And Dorothy isn’t even mad! I was outraged for her! She wouldn’t believe you? Try her! If your house fell into a Technicolor world of flying monkeys, witches and munchkins I am pretty sure she would have taken what you said for face value. Dumb witch. I think I hated her more than Green face for the sheer betrayal factor.

I remember one year when it was going to be on being at my cousin’s house and my parents and my aunt and uncle were going out to dinner and the babysitter was coming. That in it self was enough to start my heart beating. My mother and father would not be in the actual house when  scary green  came on the TV? I don’t care if she is the kindly old Good to the Last drop! Maxwell house lady now, she still is freakin scary and I need my parents at least in the home if not the very room that I am in while I view this movie. My eyes were wide as the music started and our parents came in to say goodbye. I admitted to my aunt I was a little afraid to watch it, my cousin didn’t seem phased in the least, which I could not for the life of me understand. (UH, HELLOO?! Green face scariest person ever is about to terrorize this girl and her PUPPY for the next two hours and we have to watch it without parental supervision?!) My aunt very matter of fact said, “Don’t you know the secret to the Wizard of Oz?  (No apparently my parents enjoy my terror year after year too much to let me in on the little secret.) Then she told me, probably what every other kid already new hence my feeling of isolation in my fear, “The Scarecrow needs a brain but he is the one with the big ideas, the tin man a heart but he is the one who needs to keep the oil can handy because he is always rusting up from crying, the lion needs courage but he protects Dorothy and she has her slippers that take her home. They all are already everything they are looking for. Its not scary.”

REVELATION! Oprah ah ha moment before Oprah was Oprah! The relief flooded my body and I watched that year from a whole new shift in my perception. They all have everything they need and they have had it all along. They just didn’t know it.

There have been many books written about the theories, symbolism and hidden meanings of the Wizard of Oz. From the political, (yellow brick road is the monetary system the US is built on and OZ is the abbreviation for ounces which is the way gold is measured.) To the New Age and even Buddhist perspective where everything in the movie from the Cyclone to Toto has a bigger meaning. All of the interpretations are at the very least interesting. Here is what I know…Should Dorothy have let Toto run through Gulch’s garden? No, but maybe subconsciously she needed a catalyst to propel her on her spiritual path. She needed something as drastic as a cyclone to get her on her ‘Yellow Brick Road’ to her truth. And Glinda was right, like any self respecting teenage girl Dorothy would never have listened if Aunt Em said, “Listen to me, I know your living in a black and white dirt farm with no parents but really all you ever need is here.” Dorothy would have told her dear Aunt Em to stick her basket of eggs where the sun don’t shine.

So if not for seemingly the worst thing that ever happened to her, literally getting thrown into another world from a cyclone! Maybe she would have ended up married to Zeke, bitter and unfulfilled. (Like so many dirt farmers in the 30’s were. If only they could have now the real meaning of the story! Enlightenment for all!) Inevitably she was able to change her perspective and saw herself as the whole person that she was meant to be. At one point she even says, “I want to get out of OZ ALTOGETHER” A Whole person. She needed the journey to realize everything she needs is already found not on a farm or in OZ but within.

I think of this story often as my children enter adulthood one by one and I hold myself back from giving them all they ever need to know according to me. Its there Oz now. I’m like Glinda, watching from afar knowing they already have everything they need but if I told them that, they would never believe me.

Courageous Kids

Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway.- John Wayne.

Every Tuesday I teach yoga to middle school students. Every week there is a different theme to the class and today's class is COURAGE. What does it mean to be courageous? One of my own personal favorite story of a courageous act from a group of kids is from my daughter MaryJane.
 MJ's soccer team was in the finals of the Waldbaums Cup  when she was in the 8th grade. She had been playing on this team for years. Same girls, same coaches, same parents. As she said they were all great athletes, (most anyway), but they played on the C team because although they liked to win there was still alot of singing and twirling and laughing out on the field at any given time. Not exactly a killer instinct. (which I like.)
 So MJ is in goal and its double overtime the girls had been playing their hearts out and with 20 seconds to go at the end of the second overtime the ball was kicked to the goal MJ was tending. It was a great kick she jumped up arms outstretched but the ball skimmed the top of her fingertips and sailed into the goal. They had lost. Everything was still for about 5 seconds and then MJ realized what had just happened and sunk to the ground her hands over her face, she was crushed. Her team mates who had been standing for those 5 seconds in their places with their mouths open ran over to her and knelt down hugging her. They were quiet for about 20 more seconds and all of the sudden you hear them start to collectively say something. One Dad looks over and says, "are they singing?" and sure enough they get a little louder and you hear that Chumbawumba song, "I GET KNOCKED DOWN BUT I GET UP AGAIN, YOU AIN'T NEVER GONNA GET ME DOWN." That same line, over and over until they all get up and start jumping up and down singing at the top of their lungs smiling and happy and laughing. Next thing you know all the parents on the sidelines are laughing at our beautiful, goofy, C team players. Proud of how far they came but so much more proud of how they were handling their loss. They lined up and shook hands with the other girls who had won who kind of stopped their own celebrating to look over at our singing girls. When the teams lined up to receive their first and second place trophies the other team clapped for our girls as loud as our girls clapped for them. All the parents left hugging all of their daughters team mates telling each girl, including the goalie, how well they played and how proud they were of them. We had the end of the season party at our house and we had so much fun.
We moved shortly after that so MJ didn't play with those girls again but she still talks about them and remembers that team as one of the most fun and happiest times on a team.

I like to open up each yoga class with a quote. So while searching for a courageous kids quote I found this great resource for parents about teaching kids to be courageous. Its called Lion's Whisker and its filled with inspirational stories for every age. They write about 6 kinds of courage physical, social, emotional, moral, spiritual and intellectual. it is a great website to look at by yourself or with your family with links to speeches about life that will provoke great family discussions. Check it out. And if you want some motivation at the end or beginning of your run, download that Chumbawumba song. You can't help but have a smile on your face when you hear it and it will remind you to get moving and don't give up.
Lion's Whiskers

Teach your Children

And you, of the tender years can't know the fears that your elders grew by,
And so please help them with your youth, they seek the truth before they can die.
Teach your parents well, their children's hell will slowly go by,
And feed them on your dreams, the one they fix,the one you'll know by.
Don't you ever ask them why, if they told you, you would cry,

So just look at them and sigh and know they love you. -CSN

My youngest daughter turned 13 last week. Its official, I have only teenagers and adults now. What a strange and wonderful feeling. I have spent a lot of time writing about my role as a mother. It has been the most pivotal role of my life. Profoundly continues to shape and mold all that I still am yet to be. As much influence as I have had in my children’s lives they have equal if not higher billing in mine. My Kung Foo Masters, each of them.

Kelly is a brilliant, funny, beautiful, strong willed, kind kid who brings so much joy and just as swiftly can bring you to your knees. A fiery personality she has not always been so easy to mother, but as I always say, nothing worthwhile is easy! And she is definitely worthwhile.

I go back to the beginning of my mothering career when Beth was born and the Gulf war was soon raging. I was afraid for her future. What did we do? Bringing a new life into an unstable world. What was the world going to be like for her? Then I remember thinking that I am sure since the beginning of time mothers have thought this about their children’s lives. The fact is life is hard. It was when they came to this new world and had to physically build the country from the ground up. As it is today as modern technology presents a whole new slew of “problems” we could never imagine our children having when we grew up. Time moves on and again, it is how we deal with what is thrown at us that matters.

I received an email from my Dad today from a friend of a friend who is currently living in Japan. I don’t think they would mind if I put it on the blog as its message is a hopeful and positive one that even when the worst thing you could imagine happens life moves on in love and light.

Hello My Lovely Family and Friends,

First I want to thank you so very much for your concern for me. I am
very touched. I also wish to apologize for a generic message to you
all. But it seems the best way at the moment to get my message to you.

Things here in Sendai have been rather surreal. But I am very blessed
to have wonderful friends who are helping me a lot. Since my shack is
even more worthy of that name, I am now staying at a friend's home. We
share supplies like water, food and a kerosene heater. We sleep lined
up in one room, eat by candlelight, share stories. It is warm,
friendly, and beautiful.

During the day we help each other clean up the mess in our homes.
People sit in their cars, looking at news on their navigation screens,
or line up to get drinking water when a source is open. If someone has
water running in their home, they put out sign so people can come to
fill up their jugs and buckets.

Utterly amazingly where I am there has been no looting, no pushing in
lines. People leave their front door open, as it is safer when an
earthquake strikes. People keep saying, "Oh, this is how it used to be
in the old days when everyone helped one another."

Quakes keep coming. Last night they struck about every 15 minutes.
Sirens are constant and helicopters pass overhead often.

We got water for a few hours in our homes last night, and now it is
for half a day. Electricity came on this afternoon. Gas has not yet
come on.

But all of this is by area. Some people have these things, others do
not. No one has washed for several days. We feel grubby, but there are
so much more important concerns than that for us now. I love this
peeling away of non-essentials. Living fully on the level of instinct,
of intuition, of caring, of what is needed for survival, not just of
me, but of the entire group.

There are strange parallel universes happening. Houses a mess in some
places, yet then a house with futons or laundry out drying in the sun.

People lining up for water and food, and yet a few people out walking
their dogs. All happening at the same time.

Other unexpected touches of beauty are first, the silence at night. No
cars. No one out on the streets. And the heavens at night are
scattered with stars. I usually can see about two, but now the whole
sky is filled.

The mountains are Sendai are solid and with the crisp air we can see
them silhouetted against the sky magnificently.

And the Japanese themselves are so wonderful. I come back to my shack
to check on it each day, now to send this e-mail since the electricity
is on, and I find food and water left in my entranceway. I have no
idea from whom, but it is there. Old men in green hats go from door to
door checking
to see if everyone is OK. People talk to complete strangers asking if
they need help. I see no signs of fear. Resignation, yes, but fear or
panic, no.

They tell us we can expect aftershocks, and even other major quakes,
for another month or more. And we are getting constant tremors, rolls,
shaking, rumbling. I am blessed in that I live in a part of Sendai
that is a bit elevated, a bit more solid than other parts. So, so far
this area is better off than others. Last night my friend's husband
came in from the country, bringing food and water. Blessed again.

Somehow at this time I realize from direct experience that there is
indeed an enormous Cosmic evolutionary step that is occurring all over
the world right at this moment. And somehow as I experience the events
happening now in Japan, I can feel my heart opening very wide. My
brother asked me if I felt so small because of all that is happening.
I don't. Rather, I feel as part of something happening that much
larger than myself. This wave of birthing (worldwide) is hard, and yet
magnificent.

Thank you again for your care and Love of me,

With Love in return, to you all,

Anne

So all you who have worried about the future, please don’t.  It is what we make of it. We can cry and complain or we can see things through a different lens and find the beauty in everything that happens. I am happy and confident that I am preparing my children and myself to know that they will not go through life unscathed but hopefully learn to deal with what they do go through with grace.