TRUST

 “I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much.” – Mother Theresa of Calcutta.

Once you have felt the pain of betrayal, (and we all have to some degree or another), once someone has robbed you of your trust in them or trust in yourself to ‘know better’. How do we open our hearts again? How do you allow your heart to go unguarded when it feels as if our instinct tells us to keep the armor up and don’t let it down?

With the “news” filled with spouse’s cheating on each other, people cheating others out of money, people lying for their own ‘gain’. What is God telling us? Don’t believe anyone? Trust no one?

As the Twin Towers fell was it a coincidence that the priest molestation scandal was soon to follow? I remember thinking at the time, ‘God, when we need you the most, why are you testing our faith now?’ If my government can’t protect me and my church can’t protect me than we are truly alone, so get that armor on!

Why then, like Charlie Brown kicking the football Lucy is holding, do we keep trying? Why don’t we just give up and lock our hearts up and throw away the key? Life is to painful. Its to hard, if I don’t put myself out there then I won’t get hurt. The reason why we don’t give up, the reason why we keep trying to kick the football is our spirits capacity for love is so much greater than our minds capacity to remember pain. Why is it that when someone who maybe wasn’t always so nice passes away after time we only remember the good things about him or her? Why do women keep having babies?

No one wants to be dependant on anyone else for anything. Not for money, shelter and not even love. It just doesn’t feel right. We fear it gives someone power over us, makes us weak and resentful. Fear is what holds us back from love. Love is what will set us free from fear. Hmmm. Seems like a catch 22 doesn’t it? We let our fear get into our thoughts and our thoughts become our actions. If we would only love ourselves as easily as we hate ourselves we wouldn’t have to keep learning the same lessons over and over again. Like a hamster spinning on a wheel, wouldn’t it feel so good to get off and rest?

The only way that I see a way out of this hamster wheel is faith. We must keep the faith that even if someone, (including ourselves) is trying to hurt us in one way or another, that we are stronger. That our faith and love, in and for ourselves will overcome our fear and distrust of others. I don’t think it is our instinct telling us to shield ourselves from others, it is our ego. That is why it doesn’t feel good to have feelings of hatred, distrust, resentment or pain. Our own bodies are telling us, ‘this isn’t how its supposed to be.’  You can feel it in your gut, in your heart, in your throat when something ‘isn’t right’. Our bodies will never lie to us. Think of taking those feelings you have and throwing them in the garbage can and sealing the lid. You are left with an open heart, deep clean breath and clear thinking. If someone is trying to harm you, it really has nothing to do with you. That is their own fear talking.  Fear is the driving force behind pain. Replace your own fear with faith and love and no matter what anyone else tries to ‘do to you’ know that you are going to eventually be ok. God gives us these lessons so we learn that we can handle anything. That we have nothing to fear. He made us so powerful that even when the worst imaginable things happen we can get through it. If God has that kind of trust in us it’s the least we can do to have that trust in ourselves.