SELF-ESTEEM

Be yourself, everyone else is already taken- Oscar Wilde

So I made it to New York! The drive was long but I did it! Along the way I stopped in DC for a night. Had dinner at the bar of the hotel I was staying in and met a principal of an inner city school that was holding their senior prom at the hotel. By the end of our conversation I had promised to come back to DC in the fall and hold a yoga workshop for the students who were interested. I gave her my card and I hope she takes me up on it.

My vision for the future is to create a wellness program that schools can use to help our children live and grow in these troubled and complicated times we are living in. Through a yoga practice, mindful breathing and meditation wouldn’t it be amazing to have a whole generation of kids turning inward to help themselves out of any situation successfully instead of lashing out and blaming everyone else and not accepting responsibility for their own actions?

It seems like we are living in a society where people feel like they can behave badly, (to put it mildly), and get away with it. Character really does count and we need to tell our kids that. It all boils down to self-esteem. The quality of the life you lead revolves around your self-esteem. How you feel about yourself gets reflected in every aspect of your life. There is so much pain in the world today what if we reached out and gave everyone an opportunity to feel great about themselves? It doesn’t matter if you are wealthy or poor, young or old, foreign or domestic all children/people have to love themselves. Pay attention to your ‘self’. Who you are, what resonates with you?  Yoga, (or movement of any kind, physical activity), breathing, quiet introspective moments all develop self-esteem.

As I have mentioned before I have been saying ‘Jiminy Cricket’ to my kids their whole lives. His famous quote to Pinocchio is one of our rules we live by and that is, “Always let your conscience be your guide”. You say that to a kid as they are walking out the door and they will think about it! Not that they won't make mistakes but they will have that in their heads, and if you teach them that they have a responsibility to themselves that if they know better they must do better. Development of intuition and listening to your inner guide and trusting yourself is empowering. Self-esteem is not something you can buy, even though we try to with our cars we drive or our clothes we wear or the bags we carry. Living your life without the approval of other people develops true self-esteem. The masses don’t like this theory. (As my friend Marilyn’s father says, The Masses Are Asses! Classic!!) Don’t be afraid of thinking outside the box. You don’t have to live small to make other people feel big. Be big, bold and brave. Support, inspire and encourage each other and above all love yourselves. That is the message I would like to send to every kid I work with. Think of how awesome the future would be with a whole generation of people who truly loved themselves. I say let's do it.

Wellness Drive

I am about to begin my "wellness drive". I am driving by myself from Florida to NY. I have about 5 Deepak Chopra/Carolyn Myss audiobooks and miles of open road. I plan on being enlightened by New Jersey.
I am looking forward to seeing my sister in law, Barbara, in South Carolina for a fun girl's night tonight! And then driving either all the way to Long Island or stopping one more time. (hotel night by myself sounds heavenly so I may just take my time!)
I am looking forward to the solitude of a road trip. Maybe I will learn a little bit about myself with all of this time for reflection. Or maybe just mindlessly sing along to my ipod. Like that commercial for windows, where the average Joe has a revelation and in their minds eye they are way better good looking than in real life, I am envisioning I am either a Thelma or a Louise on a road trip to freedom. In reality I have a car packed up like the Beverly Hillbillies and I try to push out the thoughts of DVT setting in by Georgia. HA! Crazy. Here is my driving playlist if anyone else needs some tunes for the open road. Happy trails!

SYMPTOMS OF INNER PEACE

A great friend of mine sent this to me a long time ago and one of the joys of moving is finding little treasures hidden in your desk that you loved enough to keep  but didn't know where to put it.

Be on the lookout for symptoms of inner peace. The hearts of a great many have already been exposed to inner peace and it is possible that people everywhere could come down with it in epidemic proportions. This could pose a serious threat to what has, up to now, been a fairly stable condition of conflict in the world.
Some signs of inner peace include...

-A tendency to think and act spontaneously rather than on fear based past experiences.
-An unmistakable ability to enjoy each moment
-A loss of interest in judging other people
-A loss of interest in interpreting the actions of others
-A loss of interest in conflict
-A loss of the ability to worry, (this is a serious symptom)
-Frequent overwhelming episodes of appreciation and gratitude
-An increasing tendency to let things happen rather than make them happen.
-An increased susceptibility to the love extended by others as well as the uncontrollable urge to extend it.

Taken as a whole, these spell peace. Taken individually, they lead to peace.
 by Saskia Davis ©1984

Homeward Bound

“If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together
.. there is something you must always remember. 
you are braver than you believe, stronger than 
you seem, and smarter than you think.
but the most important thing is, 
even if we're apart.. i'll always be with you.” 
Winnie the Pooh

Getting ready to head out of FLA for the summer back to Westhampton, NY. Back to our old home where we raised our young family. The sanctity, safety and security of familiarity. Our home where we brought our youngest home from the hospital on a rainy day in March. Where we decorated Christmas trees with strings of popcorn and watched little excited faces rush down the stairs in awe and wonder that only true believers have.

The block we trick or treated on, the bathroom where endless nights of tubby times were held. The kitchen table that we wrote our spelling words 5 times each on and ate breakfast for dinner. The beds we curled up in to watch Disney movies and read bedtime stories. The yard we held birthday parties in and caught lightening bugs in jars. HOME.

I get to spend the summer in this little Shangri-la. To go back to a simpler time that I didn’t enjoy near enough when we were living through these good old days.

Of course I wont be doing the same things I did then. Kids are growing older as are we. Band-aids and kisses don’t take care of the problems of young adults.

What I have come to find out this year, a year of living outside of my comfort zone, is that home is not a place but a state of mind. I was sad to be so far from what I knew and loved. It took me this whole year to get used to the fact that it was time for me to let go of being “the mommy”.

Part of me was genuinely sad that kids were growing and I wasn’t needed in quite the same capacity I had been. Honestly the other part of me was scared that it was time, if I wanted to keep moving forward, to put myself out there as a person. Not as a mother or a wife or daughter or a friend but as myself. I had no other costume to hide behind. It was going to be all me. When I admitted my fear to myself a funny thing happened, it disappeared. Sometimes it creeps back in but usually if I catch it in time I can kick it to the curb with a few deep breaths.

What an amazing year. I feel as enthusiastic and excited for all my new future has in store for me as I do watching my kids navigate the beginning of the most promising and exciting time in life where anything is possible and the world is theirs for the taking. Because, it is true! Anything is possible. If we truly believe we are more powerful than beyond measure we can achieve anything at any age.

Don’t get me wrong, I still miss the days where my kids were small and they need their Dad and I the most. But there is something to be said for being able to have a meaningful conversation about life or share a laugh about things they only understand because they are grown, or watching them stand on their own two feet and not need us at all.

Mary Pat's Quinoa Salad

Did you ever have a friend you could call and/or show up on her doorstep 24/7 and ask ANYTHING and she could give you an answer? AND its insightful, helpful, honest and true? A friend who you can call and ask anything, who gives you great advice, makes you LAUGH till you cry AND can cook and ALWAYS has wine and will ALWAYS drink it with you?? This is a good friend to have and if you are lucky enough to have one of these, never let them go. Here is a recipe for a salad that Mary Pat made us for lunch one day. It is delicious and so good for you! Thank you for always sharing all the good stuff with me MP!

Quinoa Salad

1 cup Quinoa (rinsed well in hot water in a strainer)
2 cups good organic chicken stock
salt/pepper to taste

cook like rice (bring to a boil and then simmer from 10 to 15 minutes until the liquid is absorbed)

add any sauteed vegetables to the cooked Quinoa

I love sauteed onion, zucchini, garlic, oregano, salt and pepper.

Reserve some plain to add to your yogurt and fruit for breakfast.

Or after you add the sauteed veg use as a cold grain and veggie salad for lunch.

And hot with dinner with a little freshly grated Parmesan cheese as a side to a protein and a green veg .
  

The Road Not Taken

Back in the 80's I read a book and saw a movie called The Outsiders. It had every cute boy from that era in the movie and every girl I know saw it a million times. I became slightly obsessed with the writings of S.E. Hinton and before computers or on demand television, would read different chapters of the books over and over again. When the two main characters of The Outsiders are hiding out in the church they come to find out they appreciate things in life like books and poetry and sunsets. Johnny remembers a poem he read by Robert Frost called Nothing Gold Can Stay about how beauty is fleeting and we have to appreciate the beautiful moments in life when they are happening. Being obsessed with all things Outsiders at the time you can imagine my joy when I found a book of poems by Robert Frost in our book shelves. (If Johnny and Ponyboy liked him then he was good enough for me!) The Road Not Taken actually struck something in me in the ninth grade.(Apparently I was really deep back then) It remains one of my favorite poems to this day and little did I know a book of poems I would read because Ralph Macchio told me it was cool would lead me to find the poem that I would identify with for all of my life.

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood, And sorry I could not travel both And be one traveler, long I stood And looked down one as far as I could To where it bent in the undergrowth;         5 Then took the other, as just as fair, And having perhaps the better claim, Because it was grassy and wanted wear; Though as for that the passing there Had worn them really about the same,         10 And both that morning equally lay In leaves no step had trodden black. Oh, I kept the first for another day! Yet knowing how way leads on to way, I doubted if I should ever come back.         15 I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference.         20

Here Comes The Sun...

Summer is here. There is nothing that makes me happier and more content than the feel of warm sun on my skin. A day at the beach sitting in the sun, swimming in the ocean, eyes closed hearing the waves crash and the occasional plane flying by pulling a giant sign advertising some summertime fun that is going on. When my kids were small we spent all day everyday going to the beach. Tan, barefoot and blond is how I will always think of my kids during some of the happiest times of our lives.


With all of this also comes the responsibility you have to yourself and your families to protect yourself against the dangerous UV rays that cause sunburn and produce skin cancer. 
I was in high school working at a cafe on the weekends when a woman who I was waiting on pulled me aside before she left to tell me that the mole on my neck looked suspicious to her and I needed to get it checked out. I wasn't really phased by her words. I was seventeen and there was probably a keg party that weekend that needed my full attention. I was young and immortal and words like 'suspicious' didn't scare me.


A few months later I was out on the east end of Long Island visiting my Dad from Boston for the summer and he made an appointment for me to see a dermatologist. I went in had the mole removed and didn't think another thing about and still wasn't concerned when my doctor called my dad personally and asked him to bring me back in. We went back and we sat in his office and he looked me in the eye and said, "Your mole is malignant. It is melanoma and it means its cancer." My dad got very upset and I was still clueless so I was embarrassed that he was getting emotional. "Dad, its fine, I'm not going to die, right?" I looked to the doctor to back me up to my weepy horribly embarrassing father and he said "You need to see a surgeon." (UH Hello, you are supposed to just simply say NO!)


So I went back to Boston where we were living at the time and had surgery on my neck where the mole had been at Brigham and Women's Hospital. The surgeon did a great job and although for a long time the red line on my neck was a constant reminder that my relationship with one of the best free things in life, was going to have to change. Luckily my lymph nodes were clear and they had caught it in time before it had metastasised. I go every six months for mole checks and usually have something removed and biopsied. Sometimes its nothing and sometimes its a little more but I am on top of it. My kids all go for mole checks and they all have had things looked at, and some have had things removed already. I am always confident that we are on top of things and there will be nothing to worry about because I am pretty sure I would blow my dad's teary eyes out of the water if the Doctor ever told me something was wrong with one of my kids and it was something that I could have prevented with sunscreen.


Yesterday I had a Mohs operation on a squamous cell spot right under my left eye. The plastic surgeon I went to did an amazing job and I am keeping his card on file for future reference if you know what I mean!!


I wear hats, sunscreen and sit under umbrellas. I still go to the beach, run outside, garden in the yard and play outdoor sports but I am aware of the dangers and I am protected. Skin cancer kills someone every hour. (I just looked that up, yikes) Keep yourselves and the people you love protected. it is so completely preventable. 

Meditation Anytime, Anywhere.

It is indeed a radical act of love to sit down and be quiet for a time by yourself.-Jon Kabat Zinn

Meditation is just another way of ‘paying attention’. Looking back in my life I think I first started my meditation practice in 10^th grade math class. Completely disinterested in the subject at hand I would sit there looking at the board, bored and go somewhere else. My teacher didn’t appreciate it; she told my mom she thought I was high. HA! I guess I was really good at it.

That wasn’t the best place to start my practice but what it did teach me was that you could meditate anywhere, anytime if you can “go there”.

I use meditation on long walks, runs, bike rides and swims.  You don’t have to be sitting crossed legged in a room with a candle chanting. I can take a few minutes when I am waiting in the doctor’s office, stuck in traffic or any other time that you would generally think, ‘this is a waste of my time’. Instead use that time for a little meditation practice. Can you imagine getting to the DMV and saying “OH YAY! Look at the line!!”

Most people start a meditation practice because they are feeling pain or stress. If this is the case you have an opportunity to say to yourself, I am really thankful that happened to me. If it didn’t I would never have sought out this practice that has changed my life! So the very thing that caused you stress or pain you can now see as a gift that gave you something great for yourself.

Meditation is non denominational. You don’t have to be Buddhist; you can be Catholic, Christian, Jewish or atheist. Everyone can meditate and a form of mediation is already in every religion. Give up the notion that you are going to have an enlightened revelation while meditating. Nothing needs to happen because it has already happened. You have taken some time out of your day to be more mindful and pay attention to your breath. Congratulations, you’re on the road to enlightenment. 

Nurturing the Soul

"When we are surrounded by relationships that nurture us fully, our souls feels safe to grow, create and have the courage to express ourselves fully. Being in a state of nurturing is familiar to our souls; it is from this place that we first enter this world, and it is up to us to safeguard our spiritual selves to remain in a state of nurturing."

—   Madisyn Taylor, DailyOM

What a great quote. If you are lucky, turning 40 (and up!) is quite a gift. It is like overnight you give yourself permission to shed the BS and surround yourself with people that matter. (And if you figure this out before 40, you are waayy ahead of the game! Good for you!) Doing things and going places that make your soul feel good, sounds heavenly doesn’t it? Almost overnight, it’s ok that you may miss the party. Staying in with family or a few good friends sounds so much more fun. Don’t get me wrong; I loves me a good time. But as I age I find what I truly love is the feeling I get when I get to spend time with the people I love and who, I can feel in my soul, really love me to.

I am a kind and polite person so I would never be rude to anyone, but to have the freedom to realize I don’t have to be liked by everyone and be their best friend is liberating.

I remember one time a friend was complaining that a woman she couldn’t stand didn’t invite her to a party she was having. “Can you believe she didn’t invite me?” she asked incredulously. ‘Well,” I replied, “Maybe she knows you don’t like her.” “Well, yeah but what does that have to do with being invited to a party?” She wondered. Hmmmm. Why do we feel the need to have everyone like us, when we know that is virtually impossible?

Our insecurities are what is standing in the way of nurturing our own souls. Fear that other people will see our flaws and imperfections drive us over and over to put ourselves in situations where we are around people that don’t bring out the best in us.

Oh no, if I don’t go to the luncheon, (party, gathering, committee meeting) what will they think of me? Give yourself a break and imagine for a minute that it didn’t matter what people who don’t love you and nurture your soul think because it’s true! And say a prayer for the people in your life who do.

Water Bottles

A friend sent this email out and I thought it was important enough to post.

Cancer Update from Johns-Hopkins

Bottled
water in your car is
very
dangerous!

On the Ellen show, Sheryl Crow said this is what caused her breast
cancer.  It has been identified as the most common cause
of the high levels of dioxin in breast cancer
tissue.

Sheryl
Crow's oncologist told her:
women
should not drink bottled water that has been left in a car.
The
heat reacts with the chemicals in the plastic of the
bottle which releases dioxin into the water.  Dioxin is
a toxin increasingly found in breast cancer tissue.
So please be careful and do not drink bottled water that has
been left in a car.  Pass this on to all the women in your
life.

This
information is the kind we need to know that just might save
us!  Use a stainless steel canteen or a glass bottle
instead of plastic!

LET EVERYONE WHO HAS A WIFE / GIRLFRIEND /
DAUGHTER KNOW PLEASE!

This
information is also being circulated at Walter Reed
Army Medical Center
 
No plastic
containers in
microwave.

No
water
bottles in freezer

No
plastic wrap
in microwave.

A dioxin
chemical causes cancer, especially breast
cancer.
 
Dioxins
are highly poisonous to the cells of our bodies. Don't freeze your plastic
bottles with water in them as this releases dioxins from the plastic.  Recently, Edward
Fujimoto, Wellness Program Manager at Castle Hospital , was on a TV
program to explain this health
hazard.
 
He talked
about dioxins and how bad they are for
us.
 
He said that we should not be heating our food in the microwave using
plastic
containers...
This
especially appli es to foods that contain
fat.

He said that the
combination of fat, high heat,=2 0and plastic releases
dioxin
into the
food and ultimately into the cells of the
body...
Instead, he recommends using
glass, such as   Corning  Ware, Pyrex
or ceramic
containers
for heating food.. You get the same results, only without the
dioxin.
So
such things as TV dinners, instant ramen and
soups, etc.,

should be
removed from the container and heated in something
else.

Paper isn't bad but
you don't know what is in the
paper.

It's just safer to use tempered
glass,    Corning   Ware,
etc..
He
reminded us that a while ago some of the fast food
restaurants moved
0Aaway
from the foam containers to
paper. The dioxin problem is one of the
reasons...

Also, he pointed out
that plastic wrap, such as Saran wrap,
is just as dangerous when
placed
over foods to be cooked in the microwave. As the food is nuked, the
high
heat
causes poisonous toxins to actually melt out of the plastic wrap and
drip into the food

Cover
food with a paper towel
instead.
This is an
article that should be sent
To anyone important in
Your
life!