Homeward Bound

“If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together
.. there is something you must always remember. 
you are braver than you believe, stronger than 
you seem, and smarter than you think.
but the most important thing is, 
even if we're apart.. i'll always be with you.” 
Winnie the Pooh

Getting ready to head out of FLA for the summer back to Westhampton, NY. Back to our old home where we raised our young family. The sanctity, safety and security of familiarity. Our home where we brought our youngest home from the hospital on a rainy day in March. Where we decorated Christmas trees with strings of popcorn and watched little excited faces rush down the stairs in awe and wonder that only true believers have.

The block we trick or treated on, the bathroom where endless nights of tubby times were held. The kitchen table that we wrote our spelling words 5 times each on and ate breakfast for dinner. The beds we curled up in to watch Disney movies and read bedtime stories. The yard we held birthday parties in and caught lightening bugs in jars. HOME.

I get to spend the summer in this little Shangri-la. To go back to a simpler time that I didn’t enjoy near enough when we were living through these good old days.

Of course I wont be doing the same things I did then. Kids are growing older as are we. Band-aids and kisses don’t take care of the problems of young adults.

What I have come to find out this year, a year of living outside of my comfort zone, is that home is not a place but a state of mind. I was sad to be so far from what I knew and loved. It took me this whole year to get used to the fact that it was time for me to let go of being “the mommy”.

Part of me was genuinely sad that kids were growing and I wasn’t needed in quite the same capacity I had been. Honestly the other part of me was scared that it was time, if I wanted to keep moving forward, to put myself out there as a person. Not as a mother or a wife or daughter or a friend but as myself. I had no other costume to hide behind. It was going to be all me. When I admitted my fear to myself a funny thing happened, it disappeared. Sometimes it creeps back in but usually if I catch it in time I can kick it to the curb with a few deep breaths.

What an amazing year. I feel as enthusiastic and excited for all my new future has in store for me as I do watching my kids navigate the beginning of the most promising and exciting time in life where anything is possible and the world is theirs for the taking. Because, it is true! Anything is possible. If we truly believe we are more powerful than beyond measure we can achieve anything at any age.

Don’t get me wrong, I still miss the days where my kids were small and they need their Dad and I the most. But there is something to be said for being able to have a meaningful conversation about life or share a laugh about things they only understand because they are grown, or watching them stand on their own two feet and not need us at all.