Amber Gestures

All of us whether we are married or single are a part of a relationship. (Not just our spouses but also our parents, children and friends all constitute relationship status.) As with any relationship it has to be nurtured and sometimes we forget how important that other person is. How much they really mean to us. It is so easy to get into habitual responses. Wake up, its morning and the routine is starting, it is not my first instinct to put a big smile on my face and greet the world like Susie Sunshine. If we take a moment to breathe we can remember to fit in little amber gestures to the people that mean something to us through out the day.

A smile, a kind word, a loving gesture that doesn’t have to be a dozen roses or expensive anything. It is showing your loved one that you are important and you mean something to me with a warm response. It is not always as easy as you think!

We have had an ongoing battle in our house with the folding of the laundry. My German, very linear husband made a device we have come to call “THE MECHANISM”. It was ruining our marriage. It is a piece of cardboard that you can lay your shirts on and fold the flaps over and create the perfect fold. Yes, it really does work and your end result is a more efficient space saver for your closet. In my world I was totally content with a 5 second manual hand fold. It does the job. It really became this insane argument that I would do the laundry and he would come in and just look exasperated at the folded pile. “You didn’t use the mechanism?” He would ask, his head cocked, shoulders slumped in a ‘I’m so disappointed in this laundry pile, kind of way. “Nope.” I would answer eyebrows up, smirk in place ready for the battle to start. “Why can’t you just use the mechanism?” He would always ask. “Why can’t you understand I am never going to use the freakin mechanism?!” I would begin to lose it. And on and on this went. One day my son was home and he had all his laundry from school and happy as could be that I was able to mommy him for the weekend I happily washed and folded all of his belongings and yes, I used the mechanism. My husband walked in and stopped short, looked at me wide eyed, as I guiltily looked up startled. CAUGHT! I was using the mechanism he had begged me to use for months. Almost in a whisper he said, “You are using the mechanism for him and you wont for me?” Like I was cheating on him. “I am, he needs it folded perfectly for the plane ride back to school.” I replied, avoiding eye contact, completely unapologetic for folding my own son’s laundry. He walked away in defeat and it was soon after that I realized it wasn’t the mechanism; it was that I didn’t want to do that extra mile for him. That he does for me when he cooks a meal with care or rearranges my car so things will be more efficiently in place and within my grasp. “I put the garage remote on the other visor because look when your arm span is extended it just makes more sense to have it on this side rather than crowded over here.” As he demonstrated how fluid and efficient it was with the clicker on the passenger visor and then how crowded and cramped like OJ trying on the glove in court with the clicker directly above my head. This demonstration lasted for a few times before I finally said, “Uh, ok. Thanks.” In his mind, this is an amber gesture and after more than 20 years I am picking up what he is putting down.

It doesn’t have to be ’I LOVE YOU’ in skywriting; it’s just a gesture.

It is not always easy but if you can fit a few amber gestures into your day for your spouse, kids anyone you care about. They will feel so loved and appreciated and that is really at the end of the day all anyone wants out of life, isn’t it? To feel like they are worth something to someone.