The Mean Teacher

My daughter was having a problem with a teacher at school.  One of those teachers who just doesn’t jive with your child’s personality. At first when she would say, “She hates me”, we would try to convince her that of course she doesn’t hate you. You must be exaggerating; teachers don’t hate their students. Then she would give me a few samples of how she would speak to her in class and I would think, Hmm, it actually doesn’t sound very nice.  We let the teacher know earlier in the year that our daughter was feeling badly and what could we do to make things better. Immediately she responded that she adored our daughter and she felt terrible that she was feeling this way. Things changed for a little while but the tone and comments returned. We then tried explaining this was obviously her personality and while we didn’t understand why she chose to handle certain situations the way she did, we all have to deal with difficult people in life and this was life so take it as providing you with a valuable lesson in how to deal with difficult people. School is almost over so try to get through it.

Then my daughter posed the question to me, “Does that mean I have to let someone treat me badly?” And of course the answer is absolutely not. In light of the brutal and senseless murder of the UVA student who had her whole life ahead of her, only to be cut short because she didn’t speak up that someone was treating her in an unacceptable way, it is more important than ever to teach our children, especially our daughters, that you have to learn how to address any negative or uncomfortable relationships or situations that they are involved in before it escalates to something that is tragic or at the very least, consistently makes you feel badly. Even if the outcome is not the one you were hoping for, the simple act of empowering them to address a problem in a healthy and respectful way does amazing things for their confidence and self-respect.

The moment we changed our attitude from, ‘Your exaggerating’ to ‘I hear what you are saying and it’s not ok, so let’s figure out how to handle it’ the healing had already begun. She went to school with a spring in her step because she was empowered. Maybe this teacher will never change her tune, but the trust we give our children when we look at things from their perspective and say, I have complete trust and faith in you and no matter what, as long as it is in a healthy and respectful way, you can express yourself to me or anyone else and I will have your back. You will have given them a great tool for life, and as parents that is all we can do. Give them the tools and pray that they have learned how to use them.