My Day With the Dalai

My religion is very simple; my religion is kindness-The Dalai Lama

I received an invitation in the mail to go to the arena at the University of Miami to hear His Holiness, the 14^th Dalai Lama give a talk entitled, The Quest for Happiness in Challenging Times.

Being busy doing other things, I never responded and then one day I was feeling like I had not been ‘attending’ to myself for awhile, I took another look at the invite on my desk and decided to call the night before to see if by some chance I could still get a ticket. The woman on the phone told me I could and said there would be a ticket waiting for me at will call. So the next morning I got in the car put in The Four Agreements to listen to one more time, (another blog another day), had a latte and drove the hour and a half by myself down to the University. (Pretty heavenly so far…)

I was so shocked when I went to Will Call and got my ticket when they directed me not to the nosebleeds but right down to the left of the stage. I had perfect view of his chair! WOW! So cool, so I settled in and waited. The front section was reserved for the students and I was so happy to see so many young faces filling up the floor. All around the students were people of all walks of life and all ages. All with the same goal, to listen to this man and find some answers to how one finds happiness in these challenging times. It struck me as I sat and waited looking around that EVERYONE, from the students to the 70something year old woman sitting next to me, was texting or looking at their phones. (Including myself), and I thought I wonder if he will say anything about technology? I turned my phone to silence and shoved it in my bag quickly before he came out so he wouldn’t see me with it and he would realize right away that I was already very enlightened. hahaha (so self-centered!! I have things to work on)

He came out onto the stage, a small man with a huge smile. He was friendly and relaxed and so sweet. You just felt like not only did you know him but he was your favorite old Tibetan Uncle that you never got to see enough of.

He spoke for around 90 minutes. He was charming and funny. He said so many wonderful things but what I came away with was the only way you will ever find happiness is through love. People who have loving families and no money can be much happier than people who have money but not the love and attention from their families. He said part of this is due to technology in the 21^st century that has given us so much knowledge and opportunity but with opportunity comes responsibility and technology has also been the cause of great human suffering. (He was talking more about weapons and bombs not cell phones i"m pretty sure but technology just the same). As well as getting in that cycle of wanting to "have" more for your family because you love them but not spending the time with them because you have to keep working to "have" the stuff.

Our survival as a community (and by community he really is saying humanity is our community) will come from love, respect, kindness, compassion and tolerance. If we have love from our families and choose our friends wisely we will have the self-esteem to have all of these qualities for ourselves and others. What he considers the downfall of humanity is self-centered behavior. He said we would only achieve peace through inner peace. He can’t give it to us; we can’t get it from a book or a spa. It is only through love and self-esteem can we achieve this peace and then have the confidence to allow each other to be who we really are without judgment.

I could go on and on reiterating all of the wonderful things he said but that was the nutshell of happiness. Love from an early age and keep it coming. It’s the simplest and hardest thing to do, just put everything else aside and give your love to your family and wisely chosen friends and your quest for happiness will be right there. He ended with a joke…what is Birth Control for violence? Produce more Monks and Nuns!

Reiki

Natural forces within us are the true healers of disease.- Hippocrates


Over the summer I received training to become a Reiki practitioner. It was an amazing experience and I am very thankful I have this "tool" in my pocket for me, for my family and friends and for my clients. Every Reiki practitioner describes Reiki differently, since it is never the same thing twice and always different for everyone. Sometimes is deeply relaxing, other times it can give you a feeling of calm energy and rejuvenation. Its basically like a drink cozy for energy, it gives you what you need when you need it. As an old friend used to say when pondering the magic of the drink cozy, "How do it know? How do it know when you want something to stay warm and how do it know when you want it to stay cool?" Although there is an explanation for the cozy, there is no explanation for Reiki. You don't even have to believe in it, you just have to relax and have an open mind. Personally I would describe Reiki as a way to coming back to who we are really meant to be. Reiki brings balance and clarity and just makes you feel better. I don't know how it know, but it do.

So enjoy the Reiki prayer today and if you ever get a chance to have the experience please do. You stay fully clothed, sitting in a chair or laying down. it is non invasive and you don't have to say anything or do anything. Just sit back and come back to who you really are.

Just for today, do not worry.
Just for today, do not anger.
Honor your parents, teachers and elders.
Earn your living honestly.
Show gratitude to every living thing.

2012

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.-Franklin Delano Roosevelt.

I recently went to The Beach Hut in Hampton Bays for a sunset dinner with my family and a few friends. It was heavenly, steamed clams, fried shrimp, cold beers, a guitar player and beautiful views of the Peconic Bay. Such a nice night. A man and his daughter were enjoying the same scenery and struck up conversation with a member of my family.

This man with his young daughter proceeded to tell this member of my family that the little girl, who could not have been more than four, was a psychic. She had predicted the earthquake in Haiti among other things,(Really? When my kids were four they didn’t know earthquakes existed but ok…) and he claims she has also predicted a 1000 foot wave of water will be coming in the future at some point after 2012. Hmmmmm. Don’t know about that…What I do know is I agree, a ‘wave’ is definitely coming. If this kid does indeed have some sort of gift then it was actually very appropriate for the little girl to interpret what is happening as a giant wave.  What I believe the giant wave to be is a shift in our consciousness. We are all changing and evolving and whatever happens in 2012 what the wave will be is almost like a renaissance. Getting back to being who we really are meant to be in this world. Knowing what is important and shedding the things that are not. So if a child who has psychic abilities sees that a giant wave is coming it is a very childlike, simplistic way of looking at the shift that is already taking place.

So if you have had any fear based moments thinking about 2012 please put them out of your minds. The only thing we have to fear is fear itself. It was true then when FDR said it as our country was facing the great depression and world wars. (Sound familiar?) What grew out of the rubble were opportunity, growth and wisdom. We are back to that full circle. So going forward if you look at things from a different perspective it is inevitable that if your change your mind about the way you choose to view something that is seemingly a bad situation and start to look at it as your opportunity for growth then no matter what happens it is a spiritual learning experience. With every fiber of my being I truly believe there is nothing to fear but fear itself. And if someone starts talking about 2012 and you start to worry, stop! Don't listen and walk away or turn off your tv and take a few deep breaths. As I have said before if a great belly laugh is like a mini vacation then a few deep belly breaths is like a psychiatric consult. You will feel better in no time. Stay positive!

Technology

It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.-Albert Einstein

So I am not a facebooker and I understand that social networking has become part of our culture and maybe I should "get with the times." C'Mon! Everybody is doing it!!
Quite frankly I am apprehensive to join for many reasons. I already feel like the Blackberry and the computer take up way to much time in my life. I love the blog as I use this venue as a way to share meaningful and positive messages with whomever wants to read it (take what you want and leave the rest!).
 Wouldn't I already be in touch with the good old friends that I wanted to be in touch with? Don't people come in and out of your life at certain times to teach you certain things about life and yourself and then they go out as mysteriously as they came and you have memories good or bad of your shared experiences. I would much rather have my memories of the good old days then documented evidence. Just for bad hair reasons alone. Do we have to keep in contact with people we were never meant to keep around in the first place? If I were to join and heard from an old friend who posted a message on my wall, is that really making a human connection? Texting, BBM, email, postings. I think it is the downfall of our civilization as we know it. Human beings are not holding themselves accountable for the words they type into cyber space while they sit home alone in front of their computers with false bravery. A friend who is a therapist has told me that almost everyone she has as a client in marriage counseling is trying to come back together from a Facebook affair.
Things seem kind of hard in the marriage, bloom is off the rose? Hey, wait a minute! Remember Johnny from high school. I wonder what he is up to these days? And so on...

Not to mention the kids! The rumors of high school seniors panicking about drinking pictures being viewed by perspective college admissions offices are widespread. I know a young college grad who took a day off to go to a party out of state and lied about it to his bosses. To bad he wasn't smart enough to untag himself from the photos. (Uh, this doesn't look like your grandmothers funeral!!)

The pictures that will follow you for the rest of your days is now in the back of every kids head every time they head out the door. Everyone has built in cameras on their phones and no one is getting away with anything. Good or bad. (I wonder who will be left to run for office in 20 years?) Not that everyone is constantly up to no good, of course they are not. But why does everything have to be documented? Picture sharing is a convenient, fast way to show everyone what you are up to. Some things are just best left off the Internet.

Not to mention the younger kids who lie about their ages to create illegal facebook accounts. There is just something really dangerous about letting kids free in such a morally bankrupt environment. Facebook says you have to be in your 14th year, to create an account. MAYBE by 14 you will hopefully have the moral compass up and running and the self esteem to not engage in cybor fighting, bullying and trash talk. How many times in this last year did we hear on the news about young kids killing themselves over being cyber bullied? Kids would never say the same thing to someones face that they would home alone in front of the computer. Adults too for that matter.
We are losing our storytellers. The people who hold court at a party and tell a great story! All anyone has to do is pull out their electronic of choice and just show you what they want to convey. I don't have to explain it, its right there in living color, see!
I am just as guilty of having my phone in my hands most of the time. I say its so I can be in constant contact with my kids. That backfires to. When I was a kid and I got a flat or missed a bus I had to figure it out. I became resourceful. Now, no reason to figure anything out. Just call for help and someone will figure this out for me! Voila! Problem solved. I remain optimistic for the future of our children. Cautiously optimistic but optimistic none the less. I am going to walk the walk and put my phone in one spot and keep it there. If someone really wants to find me they will.

I'M BACK!

Procrastination is something best put off until tomorrow.

It has been awhile since my last blog. I got an email last night from a follower who asked me What did the cat get your tongue? Haha! Yes! That is exactly what happened. I took a few weeks to smell the roses. I taught my yoga classes, went to the beach, hung out with my kids and their friends and my friends. The blog always in the back of my mind. I was thinking about adding to it all the time. (I should be doing....) Anytime I add should to the beginning of my sentence I run the risk of becoming judgy of myself.

I have been doing a guided meditation with a client this summer and one thing I always come back to is the object of the journey is self-acceptance, self-love, and self-forgiveness. As well as accepting, loving and forgiving the people in your life. So although I am ready to come back to the routine of logging on and sharing stories that will support, encourage and inspire it was nice to just chill and not think about much but just being. I will accept the fact that I needed to take time out to enjoy a few weeks of summer. I will love every moment I get to spend with friends and family and I will forgive myself for not being as productive as I could have been this summer. It was fun!

So try this, next time you are feeling guilty because you SHOULD be doing something take a deep breath and as you exhale say, I forgive myself. Just saying the words will release the self imposed tension. I am happy to be back in the saddle so check back soon!

summer yoga mix

Belly Breathing

I truly believe that if a good laugh is like a mini vacation than a few good deep breaths are like a few hours of therapy. It is miraculous how deep belly breathing can change your mind, which in turn changes everything. The quality of your experience comes from the thoughts you create in your mind so think good thoughts and the way to do that is to come back to your breath.

We all have stress, fear, anxiety and worry. We are human so we are conditioned to have these feelings. Once you are aware of the fact that these feelings are creeping in then take a moment and breathe. Place your hands on your abdomen as you inhale deeply feel your belly expand and as you exhale feel your belly contract. During the exhale once you think your done, just try squeezing a little more air out. Everyone is always more interested in the inhale but the more air you are able to squeeze out of the exhale the more you train your intercostal muscles to automatically take in more oxygen on the inhale without even thinking about it.

As you inhale think love, acceptance, gratitude and forgiveness and as you exhale just release any negative thoughts or feelings you are carrying around with you. You may not particularly feel love, acceptance, gratitude and forgiveness but just saying these words to yourself while breathing deeply will create a shift that you will feel.

I was visiting with friends recently, and the dad had to  deal with a temper tantrum his son was having. He was really frustrated and just stepped outside to take a few breaths and get some space. He came back in about 10 minutes later and looked at me with a surprised face and said, "This breathing thing really works!" I said, "I know! Its crazy!" So check it out, anytime your starting to listen to those negative thoughts in your head or a stressful situation occurs, start the belly breathing. Its easier to change your mind than you think!

INSTINCTS

 Instinct is untaught ability-Alexander Bain

Learn to trust your instincts. Spiders don’t go to spider web school. Birds don’t attend Bird nest making camp. They just instinctively know from the very fiber of their being what it is they are meant to do. I think we do to, but we are conditioned not to because we have to fit in with the societal standards of what everyone else thinks we should be doing.

I can’t tell you how many conversations I have with people who have said to me, “I would love to do……….” But I can’t.”

Why? Because by the time we have lived life enough to know who we are and what our calling to ourselves really is we have already had a job for 15 years and we can’t switch jobs or lines of work because (a) We need the financial security of a steady paycheck and (b) What would people think?

I understand (a) financial stability. Who wants to give up finer things in life for a gamble? What if I follow my dreams and I fail? Then I don’t have the security. I am too afraid to try; I will stay right where I am. This is “FINE” and in 30 more years I will retire and do what I want. For just a moment, think about, What if I follow my dreams and I succeed far beyond my wildest dreams because I am actually passionate about what it is I am doing. If your passionate about what you do, there is no way you could ever fail. Even if you don’t make more money than you could ever dream of spending, you also wouldn’t feel like you were even doing that four letter word W-O-R-K because you were so happy, grateful and appreciative that you got to do what you loved every single day. Look at so many people who grind it out every day for their whole lives and finally retire and get sick and die in a year. We have all heard stories like that. Seize the day, do what you love and love what you do.

‘I can’t what about the kids’. What about the kids? I think kids pick up on energy way before anyone gives them credit for. Never fight in front of the kids but have WWIII’s in the garage away from prying ears? Guess what, they pick up on it. (Not ok to have WWIII in front of them either but healthy, respectful disagreements are apart of life!) Do you sometimes feel like your living an inauthentic life but we have to do it to have all these nice THINGS that the kids need to be happy. Kids need love to be happy and that is all they need. If you feel love and someone has faith in you that you are not so insecure that you will be unhappy if you don’t have the latest fashion trend or toy, its actually empowering them. You are saying, I actually think way more of you than to think you need THINGS in order to be a happy, well rounded, good person. You are a kick ass kid no matter what you wear or what you play with or where you play it.

Then we come to (b) what would people think??  I have said it before, THE QUALITY OF THE LIFE YOU LEAD REVOLVES AROUND YOUR SELF-ESTEEM. You can live a rich, happy and fulfilling life doing what inspires you and in turn others will be inspired or you can do what your parents, spouse, co-workers and peers say you should do. I lived like that for a long time and I noticed I became really resentful. I resented myself and I didn’t even know why. I resented my spouse, friends and family and again, I had no idea why. All I knew was that I wasn’t happy and I didn’t know how to make myself happy. I knew happiness was a choice to be made but how do you make that choice when you don’t know what true happiness feels like? I know what fleeting happiness feels like! I felt it every time I bought new shoes or planned a trip or got invited to a big party or something like that but as soon as the excitement wore off, I felt unhappy or unsatisfied again. Why? I had everything anyone would or could ever want! After years of being a busy mom my kids were growing up and I actually had time for myself! What was wrong with me? Like most shifts that occur in people’s lives it took a monumental change like moving to a new state to bring about a monumental shift. Usually it is God working in mysterious ways. When something happens and we say, oh no, why is this happening to me? But if you are looking carefully you will notice pretty quickly why something happens. Usually spiritual or emotional growth is a side effect of a shift. You can squeeze your eyes wide shut and choose not to see what is going on around you or you can notice the change, embrace it and go with it. I went with it. What I found was, I knew how to be happy all along I just wasn’t paying attention to what truly makes me happy, (or rather how I can make myself happy!). I am learning to trust my instincts. I actually know inherently what is best for me. I am learning to listen to my body because it doesn’t lie to me. When I trust my instincts and I am doing what is right for me and not what is right for anyone else I feel like I am moving on all cylinders. It isn’t easy! We want to be good kids, husbands, wives, parents and friends. We don’t want to be rude. We want everyone to like us and think we are great. We want to be responsible and do what is right for our family and friends. If we all had the self-esteem God intended for us to have we would all be respectful and at ease with other people’s decisions to live their lives the way they see fit. Not what we as a society “think” they should be doing, but what their own instincts tell them they should do. And know that just because someone does something different it doesn’t mean that they are being judgmental that what you are doing is wrong. Individual instincts, we were all born with specific talents and specific purposes. Listen to your instincts and find out what that means to you.

Beautiful

Yesterday I led a group of young women in a yoga class. There were eight young ladies, two of them being my own daughters, who showed up. Music is important to me and I always have what I consider a great play list going for my classes. Especially when I am teaching kids, they respond to music, its their thing. So be it from the Glee soundtrack or something new I use what I think they will respond to, to help me get their attention.

These group of girls ranged in age 12 to 15. They came in very giggly but ready to go with great attitudes. We went through most of the 45 minute class, (any longer and I was afraid I would lose them), and just as we are getting ready for shivasana, the hardest pose of the day for energetic, healthy young girls of summer, Christina Aguilera's song Beautiful comes on. (I encouraged singing along to the play list if at anytime the feeling came to them but before that I think no one wanted to be the one to blurt anything out other than, 'oh, I love this song!') All of the sudden these girls all at once just started singing at the top of their lunges, loud and proud. It was as the song is entitled, so beautiful. I could have cried. Yes girls! This is the goal! Be yourselves, free from what anyone else thinks, says or does. Independent, unafraid, courageous, free thinking, beautiful girls. After an hour of being on the mat together they were all united. Great positive energy flowing through the room, from them and for them. It was a moment I will never forget. After the song was over they miraculously settled down immediately and got right into relaxation, almost like exuding that last bit of energy did the trick. they ended with hands at heart center, in a bow with a Namaste. A little step closer to having them all be in their own 75 degree, sunny with a breeze world.

 Read the lyrics the girl's belted out

Every day is so wonderful
And suddenly, i saw debris
Now and then, I get insecure
From all the pain, I'm so ashamed

I am beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring me down
I am beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring me down
So don't you bring me down today

To all your friends, you're delirious
So consumed in all your doom
Trying hard to fill the emptiness
The piece is gone left the puzzle undone
That's the way it is

You are beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring you down
You are beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring you down
Don't you bring me down today...

No matter what we do
(no matter what we do)
No matter what they say
(no matter what they say)
When the sun is shining through
Then the clouds won't stay


And everywhere we go
(everywhere we go)
The sun won't always shine
(sun won't always shine)
But tomorrow will find a way
All the other times

'cause we are beautiful no matter what they say
Yes, words won't bring us down, oh no
We are beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring us down
Don't you bring me down today

Don't you bring me down today
Don't you bring me down today 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.  ~Mark Twain,

Today is my 41^st birthday. I don’t mind getting older in fact, I welcome it. With each year a little softer, (my personality and my body), a little wiser, a little more tolerant and patient in some ways and intolerant and impatient in others. I have a beautiful family and wonderful friends. I have no time for BS and all the time in the world for people I love.

(Is it bad by the way that the first email I woke up to was ‘HAPPY BIRTHDAY FROM WINE.COM’-haha)

I brought my daughter to check out her first apartment yesterday. Funny how cyclical it all is. It is now her time to experience all that life has to offer, and for me to draw on my experiences. I look on with pride and excitement for all that she has waiting for her and I look back with happiness at the life we have shared in this family to get her to this exciting and wonderful place. I consider myself blessed for sure that I have no regrets. Every single thing that has happened in this life has been absolutely necessary to get us to the place we are today. I am 41 years old and have been a mother all of my adult life. Not the easiest of challenges but none the less one that I thank GOD for everyday. We have managed to raise kind, thoughtful, empathetic, funny, great people. People I want to hang out with. (Is that why people have kids? So when you get older and less tolerant of other people’s personalities you have a nice little set of your own people to hang out with?? Brilliant!)

The greatest gift I could ever receive I have already had all along. The love of a wonderful family, from the one that raised me to the one I am raising. Which goes back to the prayer I like to say to myself with every deep inhalation, ‘I already have everything I need, and I am exactly where I am meant to be’. And with every exhalation ‘Thank you’.