My St. Barth's Adventure, One Step Closer to Truth

So I was walking into JetBlue terminal 5 when I spied a Borders bookstore. On my way to a weekend with my very good friend Christy in St. Barth’s where she works for Hotel St. Barth’s Ile De France. I am joining her for what is a work weekend for her and I am tagging along by the grace of her bosses agreeing to have her friend accompany her on a business trip, if I promise not to distract her, (and I may have a little) but she worked so hard all weekend and I soaked up sun and relaxation on the beautiful beaches of the French West Indies. (I wore sunscreen!) The Hotel is absolutely gorgeous and if you haven't been to St. Barth's and you are lucky enough to get an opportunity to go you have to go there to stay or for a meal. it is spectacular.

I came armed with plenty of reading materials and self-imposed writing assignments. I didn’t plan to have a lot of extra time. I walked past the bookstore in the terminal without stopping, (a hard thing for me to do.) My thinking is I have plenty to keep me busy, books in my carry on and plenty of writing to do…stay on task! (Agh! Adult ADD rears its ugly head..) I sat at my gate tapping my toe and quickly realized I was there a good hour before boarding was to begin and I thought to myself ,’Well maybe one loop through the bookstore can’t hurt!’. I got back up and walked back to the main terminal and entered the Borders. It was a condensed airport version but had whatever bestsellers and classics any traveler would want to pick up. I found myself in the section marked ‘spirituality’, (shockingly enough). I saw a book that I have read before called The Four Agreements’ by Don Miguel Ruiz. Most of you reading this has probably read that or at least heard of it. (If not I highly recommend it!) Next to that was a book I have not heard of before called ‘The Mastery Of Love’ by the same author. I didn’t think much of it and picked it up and read the jacket.  It looked interesting enough so not being one to be able to resist the temptations of a new book, I bought it. I started reading it on the plane and was so fascinated and inspired I couldn’t put it down. Its a very simple quick read and I ended up reading it 3 times over the course of the weekend.  Synchronicity. My previous blog was all about my relationship with myself and this book was apparently waiting for me in that Borders to pick up for my weekend of solitude.

I reread it at lunch by myself one day where at I spotted a baby iguana that, like pigeons in NY kept circling under my table for scraps, (I guess??) what the heck do they eat? This thing would not leave me alone and I am no stranger to the lizards of Florida but it was more prehistoric and I really didn’t want it to walk across my toes. I perched on my chair like a lunatic cat woman. The bronzed uber cool Euros sitting around looking at the baby dinosaur with bored, unafraid faces while I clamped my beach bag to my chest, (it could have hidden in there and got me later in my room if I left it on the sand next to me!), balancing on my chair wildly looking around and under the table for it. Like a kid who is afraid of the monster under the bed and won’t even stick a toe over the edge I wouldn’t let my own toe hang over the edge of my chair in case those things can jump. Every time the waiter came up behind me I jumped and let out a little shriek. I mean it was really ridiculous but I could not help it. I ordered the Quinoa and crab salad and realized why French women don’t get fat. The ice-cream sized scoop they brought me was certainly not enough food for this all American. (My husband Mark makes fun of my food panic. If we are going into a situation where I may not potentially get a full square, say a cocktail party of heavy horsdevours I slip into panic mode. I think I starved in the great potato famine in a previous life.) So there I am clutching my giant beach bag, perched on this chair trying to eat Quinoa salad that now since I am so awkwardly perched and the bowl of delicate Quinoa is so far away from my face I keep spilling it sending the Iguana back to see what I am dropping causing my panic to rise with each bite. I was laughing at my own ridiculousness. (P.S. these French people are onto something I was totally full and it was delicious. Who knew.)?

My previous blog was all about ones struggle for a truthful, meaningful and honest relationship with ones self. The message this random book that I chose, (or did it choose me?!?) reinforced what I had been trying to grasp in said previous blog, Don Miguel Ruiz says,  Trying to be what you are not expends all of your energy. Being what you are doesn’t require any effort. We learn to pretend to be what we are not, and we practice trying to be someone else just to be good enough for mom, for dad, for teacher, for religion, whatever. We practice and we practice and we master how to be what we are not.

Until we are truly ourselves it is impossible to be who we really are with anyone else. Loving myself a little more as time goes on. Thank you Christy

Wherever you are, I hope you get the opportunity to read The Mastery Of Love. You will be glad you did! Baby Iguana not included…