Another Battle Won...

                                                                 

Again being brave rears its ugly head! (What a scaredy pants I apparently am! I never knew it until this blog and its recurring themes) After telling a friend of mine that I was going to the Titleist Performance Institute to become level 1 certified in their Golf Fitness training program, she immediately scared the crap out of me by saying, “So you will probably be the only yoga girl there. Its definitely going to be mostly professional golf dudes.” My fear factor flew to epic proportions and I immediately realized I had no business signing up for this class let alone flying to another state to attend it. Since of course everyone will see in minutes how foolish I will seem. (good old ego)

I went anyway. A few days early since I was visiting my friend Christy for a  belated birthday celebration and I was going to spend the weekend with her, our friend Mary Liz and Christy’s family in her home in North Carolina. I flew up on a Friday and set about the business of having a good old-fashioned girl weekend and didn’t think about my pending doom that was coming on Monday morning.

We ate, shopped, drank wine, laughed, cried and had an endless stream of excellent girl talk. I truly think talking things out with my friends to the point of dead horse is definitely in my top 5 favorite things to do on earth. Where would we be without the women friends we hold so dear in life?

Sunday night rolled around and the butterflies started settling in. I would find my heart suddenly beating quickly and would have to remind myself to slow down and breathe! Pretty much all day long. I went to visit my stepmother and her family for dinner. It was a perfect reconnection and just what I needed They say people come into your life at different times for different reasons. She and my Dad have not been married for 20 years but being with her reminds me of the fact that although I had a very non- traditional child hood, there is no doubt I sure was loved and continue to be.  She lives about 30 minutes from Christy in a beautiful farmhouse in a rural part of NC. Cows, goats, trucks and confederate flags dotted along the country highway.  It was a different world but her house was warm and welcoming and the company even more so. After a relaxing evening I hit the road back to Christy’s to prepare for the first day of my training.

Relaxing evening be gone, I went to bed with the wide eyed fear of a woman facing the firing squad. I eventually fell asleep late and woke before my alarm. Christy drove me with her girls the half hour to the down town hotel the training was being held in. I said my goodbyes, got out of the car and pushed all of my fear and anxiety to the back of my mind, threw my shoulders back, put a confident smile on my face and with all of the acting skills I could muster walked on in with my head high. 4 men greeted me at a table with nametags. (Oh god! She was right! Its ALL PROFESSIONAL GOLF DUDES!) They were friendly and asked me my name and profession. (Uh??? Fraud?) Yoga Instructor, I heard my voice reply with confidence. (Who was that?)

I walked in and went to the first seat I found. Between two nice women who were there for the same exact reasons I was. To gain more knowledge. I realized quickly that so was everyone else in the room regardless of their age, race or gender. Everyone was there for the same purpose. To learn level 1 of a golf fitness program. There wasn’t a sole there that already knew everything there was to know about, golf, golf fitness or the business of it. We were all there for the same reason. I felt my fear slowly leaving me. I quickly realized that I DID know a lot about anatomy, golf faults, terms and the body. I could contribute and I could ask questions that didn’t sound like I didn’t know what I was talking about. I actually do know what I am talking about. As a matter f fact, I am knowledgeable about what I do. And when they had their business analyst stand up and tell us not to be afraid to charge for our knowledge. We are the experts and we have to know our worth and charge accordingly for our time and expertise because it is worth a lot. It was so empowering.

I have to laugh as I sit in a Crab Shack at the airport typing this waiting for my flight to board. WHAT WAS I SO AFRAID OF?  It was just one more lesson that is slowly but surely sinking into my brain. I am more powerful than beyond measure. I am fearless and brave. If I keep practicing then maybe I will re-teach myself to think these thoughts first and automatically. Wouldn’t it be awesome if the first thing that really and truly came into our authentic minds were, WOW! I am so kickass!! That is my goal. To those of you who already know this, god bless you. To those of you who don’t, god bless you more.