The Hansel and Gretel Syndrome

Books have always been a big part of my life. Being an only child I had a love of reading my entire life and I passed on the love by reading to my own children from the time they were infants. It was an escape to a fantasy world for me long before there was 24/7 children's television. So if it wasn't Saturday morning where I could be found in my PJ's eating coco pebbles watching my beloved Scooby Doo, Land of the Lost or Bugs Bunny, I was reading. Reading opened doors of my imagination where anything was possible. (Do my dolls come to life when I'm not around? Do woodland animals have their own language? Do witches and scary people really exist as I know princess's and prince's do?)

As an adult the days you could actually find time to sneak in an hour or, when no one is looking, curling up on a rainy day with a blanket and a cup of tea and reading your book for hours? It is one of the treasures of life that when you get to do it you have to stop and notice that this is a little slice of heaven on earth.

When my oldest daughter Beth was five she would be in charge of picking out the bedtime story for her and her brother. For a long stretch of time that year the book of choice was Hansel and Gretel. (coincidentally it became the favorite after a trip to Disney when after years of blissful sleeping through the night the over stimulation of the happiest place on earth triggered nightmares of lost mothers, scary wicked queens and general anxiety. But its a great family place!)

Night after night she would walk up in her little Lanz of Salzburg nightgown. Her curly hair still damp from her bath. She would thrust the book at me look away wincing and ask me to "read it again mama." (for some reason my kids all called me mama and sounded like tiny Italians) Her brother Mark was indifferent as he was generally looking at it as a means to stay up a few minutes later.
So night after night I would read the story and watch her face go through all of the emotions of the story. The children and their father, the step mother who complains about them, her suggestion that they take a short cut through the woods and finally total fear as the brother and sister find themselves in front of a house made of candy. She would practically slap her hands over her eyes and moan because she knew what was coming. The witch would now begin to fatten up the duo, who she kept in a cage, for good eating. Then the relief when the children got away and found their father again who had since sent his bitch wife packing and they lived happily ever after.

Night after night she would ask me to read this book and I would say, "Beth, are you sure? It seems to scary for you". "No Mama, I want to hear this one". This went on for about a month and then a funny thing happened, about three weeks in Beth didn't show the emotions on her face anymore. She wasn't afraid she knew what was going to happen and it was all going to work out for Hansel and Gretel. She didn't need to be afraid for them anymore. Instinctively she did what women do, she talked about and listened to it over and over again until she could wrap her head around it, understand it and not be afraid anymore. Her brother was not fazed by the story after the first time he heard it. His little boy logical brain understood after the first read through that it was going to be fine and there was no reason to keep rehashing this. Like all women, Beth just needed to be with it a little longer to get it. The comfort she found in reading and rereading something that scared her until she understood it is a common theme women everywhere take part in.

Someone is getting divorced? Let's sit and talk about that, not because we want to gossip but we want to find out how did they lose their way on this narrow path we all are trying to navigate? Maybe if we keep talking about it we will figure it out. Breast cancer? Troubled kid? Sick parents? Talk it out with your friends. Maybe you won't find any answers but it will comfort you to know we are all trying to wrap our heads around the scary stuff and come out happily ever after on the other side. Just like Hansel and Gretel.

My good friend Jen Gilchrist just passed on another great read to me called 'The Middle Place' By Kelly Corrigan. It was one of those books where I let the laundry pile up and we had grilled cheese for dinner because I couldn't tear myself away. One of those funny, moving buy it and don't lend it out because you want to keep it books. All about being a mother, wife and daughter while battling breast cancer. I highly recommend it and thank Jen for sending it my way.