Oprah and the Art of Vacuum Cleaner repair.

My friend Pat and I were having a glass of wine one night, (maybe we had more than a glass but who is counting?) we were complaining to each other about the lack of common sense some people generally seem to have when it comes to the basic fundamentals of raising good kids. We decided we would write a very simple book on how to raise children. We came up with different titles like, Hey, Stupid! This is How You do it! Or Your Kid Sucks, This is Why!  Among others. but then thought maybe we should keep it positive and maybe add Oprah’s name in it somewhere because then she would definitely have us on her show. I think for the rest of the night we abandoned the book idea and just decided where we would stay in Chicago and what restaurant we would have dinner with Oprah and Gayle in after the show. But from my notes the next day, stained with circles of red, I pieced together and added a little to what became this entry. (A little play on the meaning of life book, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance). These are the basic guidelines that in my opinion will help you to raise confident, empathetic, kind and happy citizens of the future.

Say your prayers every night:

Everyone needs FAITH IN GOD. Or spirituality or a higher power or whatever deity you want to have faith in. But praying to something or someone you can’t see instills every child to have faith. We can’t see it, hear it or touch it but it is there. We learn to trust that an invisible being is helping us through life and that’s a good thing.

If we teach them this when they are babies then when the going really gets tough when they get older they will know, no matter what, they are never alone. I am not a particularly religious person but I certainly feel the Holy Spirit, (which is what I choose to call the higher power I pray to) with me all the time. “When I find myself in times of trouble mother Mary comes to me, speaking words of wisdom let it be”. Has a more beautiful and meaningful song ever been written? If your troubled, broken hearted, feeling low you have someone to rely on and lean on right inside you all the time. I find great comfort in that and I can not imagine that anyone wouldn’t love to find out when they are scared and alone, there really not alone at all and if they look through the darkness they will find the light that shines on them. We must instill this in all children no matter what your faith. You are loved and not alone! When things are going your way and life is rosy, lets teach our children the art of gratitude. Giving thanks each day for the joy in their lives. Thanking the Holy Spirit every time you’re looking at the ocean, or walking outside on a beautiful day or when your mom makes your favorite desert. Knowing how to express gratitude and cherish life. Can you imagine?

Read/Sing/Play/Craft/Create:

Please turn off your TV’s and computers, cell phones, hand held gaming devices and all electronics and play. Everyone should help their kid make a homemade valentine, bake a cake, learn all the old folk songs. When three year olds are singing along to Brittany “If you seek Amy” something is seriously wrong! Twinkle twinkle, Row your boat, BINGO, Michael rowed the boat ashore, Halleluiah! Do parents sing these songs anymore?

Paint, draw, and make up stories, read bedtime books or middle of the day or morning books. Send them outside to battle pirates under the branches of the old oak tree in the yard. Catch lightening bugs, they are back! They were gone for a while but they are back and want to be caught by kids on a hot summer night. (And I think you should put them in a jar and use them as a night-light even if it isn’t GREEN)

The more we let our children use there imagination and express them selves creatively the happier and more adjusted they will be. I have no scientific evidence of this I just know it because I am a mom. All little kids want is to do fun things like color and play dough and hide and go seek with their parents, friends, cousins and grand parents. If you do this now they will like you later. I don’t buy that, “do it now while they still want to be with you’. I have four children and I have found if you treat them with respect, fairness, kindness and love they will ALWAYS want to be around you. Don’t pat them on their heads when they are 17 and tell them they don’t understand because they are still children. Hell no! That 17 year old is a year away from being able to fight for his or her country. I am going to treat them like they could potentially be carrying fire arms in a year and we will be cool.

Say Please and Thank You:

Manners are typically not inherited traits. You have to teach all children to say Thank You, Please, May I, God Bless You”. Hold doors, look people in the eye when you speak and PLEASE have a firm handshake when you meet people. Speak in a clear articulate voice, stand up straight, and sit up straight. BE KIND. Stick up for your friends and definitely stick up for your brother’s sisters, cousins, aunts, uncles, mom and dad. Family is so important. Friends are important to but only the ones you can call at 3 am on the side of a deserted highway 2 hours away to come pick you up. If you cant ask them to do that then don’t worry about them too much. If you can, then treat them like they are your family.

If you can somehow teach your children through actions, not words, (they seem to learn best this way, maybe they are all visual learners!) That in life it is not your success’ that you learn your life lessons from but your failures. It is ok to fall. It will teach you to pull yourself back up. And at the end of life what matters most is your family. And its not, how much money does my family have? It’s how is my relationship with them? How happy are they? Do they love each other? As well as their spouses. Are they good people? If I could see the future and be able to look at my death I would want to see exactly this, me lying serenely on a bed in my own home, surrounded by my family all smiling and celebrating a wonderful life. I would die feeling as though I had won the lottery because I had.

Have Sportsman like conduct on the playing fields and off. Teamwork teaches you how to problem solve. Teamwork shows you how to play well with others. Even if they are not your best friends you will how to learn to work with all kinds of people. Teamwork teaches responsibility to people who rely on you to do your part. Sports are a microcosm of life. If you work hard, if you are coachable during coachable moments, if you learn you are a leader or better as part of the pack that teaches you a lot about life.  It is a bonding experience to play for a team. Is there a greater feeling of working together as a unit to achieve a positive end result? And if it ends in loss and you handle yourself in a dignified, sportsman like manner, well that teaches you even more because it’s the losses in our lives that we learn from, not the wins.

Boys:

Be kind, compassionate, hardworking, chivalrous, honest and loyal (but only if someone deserves your loyalty and is loyal to you in kind)

Please treat women with respect. That girl is someone’s, sister or daughter and someday someone’s mom so please treat her with the respect she deserves. Even if she doesn’t understand that she deserves it. (If you know better than you understand that.) Help those weaker than you, in character and body. We need to teach our boys that you can be tough and still have soft spots.

Girls:

Be all of the things that boys should be. Don’t forget you hold the power. You control the situation. If you respect yourself others will respect you too. You will give off an energy of confidence and grace. If the cute boy at school doesn’t want to go out with you because you wont do what he wants then as hard as this is you must remember, he loses. You win. Someday you will find the boy that loves you and respects you. If he isn’t in front of your face keep looking, maybe he is right behind you and has been there all the time waiting for you to see him. If all the girls got together and made a pact that they would have self respect, dignity and grace the boys would have no choice but to treat you with such.

Education:

EDUCATION, EDUCATION. EDUCATION,

Learning is growing. The more you learn the more rich and fulfilling your life will be. Never stop learning. If school is hard, at least do your homework and go to extra help. The teachers will see you trying and they will be inspired. They will remember why they became teachers and they will help you. Then when you are older you can study what interests you. Find your passion! Do what you love and love what you do. Education is freedom. If you have knowledge you hold the keys to your future and you call the shots.  Be open minded to different kinds of people. Everyone has a story and we are all connected by being members of the human race. You will never know if you will learn the greatest lesson of your life from a place where you least expect it. Be open and ready for new things to learn from everyday.

Community Service:

You must help through service. Even though the world seems big, it is still one world. We all live here together and we have to help each other. Bill Cosby said, “Hurt people, hurt people”. If you can help take away the hurt that someone feels the pain, fear, loneliness or despair that makes people hurt then you are making the world a better place. You will feel 100 times better than the person who you’re helping I guarantee that.  Ask in the office of your school or church what projects are going on. Service should be required by everyone in the United States every year of their lives forever. Coat drives, food drives, blood drives, walks for cancer, runs for charity. Build a house, tutor or coach a kid in something your good at, collect cans, clean a yard for an older person. The possibilities are endless and you will touch people’s lives in a way you cant imagine and it will bring you so much joy and happiness and pride that you will want to keep on doing it.

Jiminy Cricket:

Always let Your Conscience be your Guide. A cartoon never spoke truer words. That little voice in your head that Jiminy told Pinocchio about? The one that says, as you’re about to do something bad, “DON’T DO IT!!” That is your conscience. And you should trust it and listen to it. And if you get really good at listening to it not only will your life be better but you will soon start to realize that little voice is the Holy Spirit in you. It’s been with you all along. Guiding you and helping you and your life will be wonderful once you choose to listen to it.

Believe Good Things Will Happen:

Believe good things will happen and they will. When bad things happen use it as a lesson and learn from it. And when really bad things happen know that something good is coming if you only have FAITH.